Everything, Nothing
by Atlantis Founded
Summary: Established SQ. When Emma is taken under Regina's nose, it takes everything to find her. But what she gets back is broken, maybe too broken to mend. Keeping her together may prove just as difficult. Trigger warnings: anything bad that can happen probably will. Adult themes and situations.
1. Chapter 1

Everything, Nothing

Chapter 1

Emma walked into the house on Mifflin Street and toed off her boots by the door. She smelled the aroma of rosemary drifting through the hallway from the kitchen. She shrugged off her jacket and hung it neatly inside the closet and for a moment, Emma smiled to herself. She had changed so much, and wanted that change, so she could be the woman that her girlfriend deserved. Emma's feet touched the cool floor, a sure sign that winter was upon them in Storybrooke, as she padded toward the scents wafting towards the front foyer.

When Emma walked into the kitchen, she was greeted by a most beautiful sight, Regina stood by the stove in her skirt and tights, white dress shirt untucked and draping gently down, as she cooked by the stove, a glass of half-drunk red wine to the eyes on her right.

"Hey there," Emma called.

"Hi yourself, you're late today," Regina called as she stirred at the stove.

"Yes I am, I had an unplanned meeting with David this afternoon right before I left," Emma started with a smile.

Regina was quiet for a moment and then tried to utter a surprised "oh?"

"Yeah, 'oh,' want to know why I was in this unplanned meeting?" Emma teased.

"I am not interested in the inner workings of the Storybrooke police force. I receive enough information in your untimely and sloppy reports each week," Regina told her, trying to seem stern and uninterested.

"Well, you might be interested in this. Seems David spent an hour this afternoon taking a statement from Tinkerbell and another hour convincing her to drop charges. Some woman threatened to crush that fairy's heart," Emma recounted.

"That fairy should keep her hands off what doesn't belong to her then shouldn't she?" Regina returned, pulling the pot off the stove and trying to act distracted while she continued cooking at the stove.

"Perhaps. But her side of the story is that she was merely having coffee with the accused's girlfriend one afternoon to talk about employment opportunities in Storybrooke," Emma offered.

Regina huffed. "She didn't need to be sitting so close and touching her unless her new line of work is prostitution."

Emma smiled and laughed to herself. "As I recall, from a witness of course, all she did was place a hand on someone's arm when speaking to her."

"She didn't have to leave it there for so long. She also didn't need to offer a full frontal hug whose duration lasted longer than any friendly one should," the jealous mayor replied.

Emma rounded the island and wrapped her arms around Regina's waist, tucking her head on her shoulder. "Did you really have to threaten to rip her heart out and crush it?"

Regina turned and draped her arms around Emma's neck and smiled at her. "It was just a figure of speech, darling."

Emma kissed her nose and then her lips lightly. "It is, unless you're someone who used to rip the hearts out of people and crush them."

"Point taken, Sheriff. Was the matter resolved?" Regina asked, stroking Emma's cheek gently.

"Mmm. Seems the deputy was quite persuasive and the sheriff may have promised to deliver a gentle warning as well," Emma told her, running her hands up and down her sides before resting them on her hips.

"Warning received Sheriff, did you tell that fairy to keep her hands off my girlfriend?" Regina teased.

"Oh, somehow I don't think that's necessary. You don't need to worry. She happens to be involved in a very serious relationship with one of the dwarves anyway," Emma explained.

"I don't care who she is supposedly involved with, if she touches you again, I'll-"

Emma cut her off with a kiss, "you'll do nothing because I belong heart, soul, and body to you, Regina Mills. You have nothing to worry about."

Regina leaned in to kiss her again, "Good. Now let's eat."

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Emma helped Regina put away the dishes after dinner.

"Where's Henry?" Emma asked, "he should be home by now."

"He's staying with your parents this weekend. I thought we might spend this special weekend together," Regina told her with a sweet smile.

"What's so special about this weekend?" Emma asked her with a straight face.

Regina's face flashed with anger and then hurt. Emma had only intended to tease her to rile her, not to hurt her feelings. She walked over and pulled her close, "hey there. I was just teasing. I know exactly what this weekend is." Regina didn't say anything to her.

"You forgot didn't you?" a hurt Regina asked.

"Of course not. In fact, I've planned a pretty magical evening for us tomorrow," she told her proudly.

Regina smiled. "I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Regina. Let's start this weekend off with some wine by the fire, it's cold tonight. I'll start the fire, you pour the wine," she instructed. Regina nodded and headed to the cellar to pull Emma's favorite red wine.

Regina uncorked and poured two glasses of wine and headed towards the living room. She stopped and propped against the doorway as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Emma had lit candles around the room and pulled blankets in front of a roaring fire. Soft music was playing, light jazz – Regina's favorite, as Emma propped pillows up against the coffee table, creating the perfect evening for her. Regina felt she didn't deserve Emma and it took her a long time to accept how much she was loved, that she deserved that kind of love. Every time she doubted it, Emma would sweep in and remind her of how much she was adored, needed. There was nothing that Regina wouldn't do for her to make her as happy as Emma made her.

"Marry me, Emma," Regina called from the doorway. Emma looked up slightly shocked.

"What?"

"Marry me." Regina restated. "I can't imagine a single second of my life without you. I want to marry you. I want to show the world that I love Emma Swan and that I plan to make her the happiest woman in the world."

Emma stood in silence for a moment and swallowed. Regina started to get nervous, she could see the familiar look in her eyes, the look that told her inner Emma, her inner orphan, to run. Run away because it is always too good to be true. Run now because it will hurt you in the end.

Regina walked towards her and placed the glasses on the table. Emma dropped slowly to her knees in front of the fire and Regina joined her, gently lifting her chin.

"Look at me, Emma. Don't run away on me," she pleaded. "If this is too much, too much too soon, I understand. If you don't want this with me now, or ever, it won't change how much I love you and want to be with you."

Emma's breathing started to speed up and Regina saw the panic start to build as she had seen so many times in the past. Regina slowly took Emma's hand and drew it to her chest so she could feel her heart beating underneath it. She put her own hand against Emma's chest and let her steady heartbeat and breathing settle Emma. It had taken so long for Regina to find a way to help her when these feelings surfaced and this always calmed her. Emma's breathing leveled out, her heartbeat steadied and she looked up and into Regina's eyes.

"Hey there," Regina smiled.

"I…" Emma started, no words coming to her at the moment.

"Talk to me," Regina asked kindly, "what are you feeling? What do you want? What do you need right now?"

Emma was often overwhelmed by Regina's kindness, her patience with her. It was something no one ever saw, not even Henry. Regina was different with her and she needed that. Emma's bravado in front of the people of Storybrooke, her parents, and Henry hid a very scared and insecure woman who never felt she could be, should be, loved by anyone. Regina understood her and patiently waited.

A few minutes later, Emma realized her hands were in Regina's as they stayed knelt in front of one another. She looked at their hands and looked into Regina's face before she could speak.

"You couldn't want me," Emma told her. "I… don't… I don't know why you would want that with me."

"I do want you, Emma. Every moment of my life, I want to be with you, with our family. Nothing makes me happier than to hold you, to laugh with you, to make love with you, to just be near you. I want that for always. If you don't want that, I understand. I will always let you decide what happens next, you know that," Regina reaffirmed.

And she had. Every step of their relationship had been controlled by Emma. Emma needed that. She had been manipulated, hurt, and controlled for her entire life and her fear in love was palpable from the moment Regina had first kissed her lips three years earlier as they sat together on a bench near the water. Regina felt her panic in that moment and the chaos of memory in Emma's mind flooded Regina in a way she couldn't yet explain. She caught glimpses when they connected, memories of a life that Emma wanted no one to know about, of unimaginable pain and hurt inflicted on her by others, of shame that Emma carried with her, always making her second guess everyone's intentions. They took things slow, she needed that.

In return, Emma gave her something that Regina needed – to know it was ok to not be in control. That she didn't have to manipulate for a happy ending, she could let things evolve around her for that to happen. Emma gave her balance and the most precious of gifts, her unconditional love. Emma made her feel like she could be and should be loved deeply, passionately, and fully. She challenged her to be a better person, to know that patience and gentleness were part of the real Regina Mills as much as she liked to play the prickly, cold mayor.

Mistakes had been made. The first time that they tried to make love, Emma ran. For Regina, sex had always been violently passionate, except with her husband. Her lovers over the years had engaged in rough, hard, quick sex and Regina was always seeking completion of her own, making sure she was satisfied. As months of heated kisses and increasingly intimate touching had passed, she and Emma fell into her bed after a long evening out. Regina immediately switched into Evil Queen mode with her, roughly throwing her to the bed, finding the scene erotic. Emma was stunned at first and as Regina ripped her shirt open and pinned her hands above her hand, a moment flashed between them and Regina saw fragments as the body beneath her tensed, face squeezed tight, eyes closed and lips tightly pursed, both efforts to hold back tears threatening to erupt at any moment. The shock of the moment made Regina move off of her quickly and she stood staring down at the woman trying to pull herself together on the bed. Her look of guilt was mistaken for pity or disgust, disappointment, and when Emma opened her eyes to see the woman towering above her, she quickly escaped from the bedroom and ran. She truly ran.

It took weeks for Emma to speak to Regina. Her embarrassment too great. She had convinced herself in those seconds of looking at Regina's face in the dark room that she was nothing. Regina's texts and phone messages were ignored and it was finally one day when she was on duty that the mayor made an appearance in the sheriff's station. Emma looked up as Regina had entered and panic overtook her features, she looked around her quickly, seeking an escape, making sure she could get away.

"Emma," Regina started from the doorway. "I'm not going to come any closer, I promise."

Emma backed towards the window and wanted to climb away but something made her stay, her face downturned with only a cheek exposed, hands against the cool rock of the wall.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I just… I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I never meant…" Regina had rehearsed that moment over and over in her head but now she stumbled. The usually quick quipped queen was tongue-tied as she stumbled through her apology.

"I understand that you don't want to see me anymore, Emma, I do. I respect that, but I can't not tell you how sorry I am for what I did."

Emma relaxed and stood up a bit, her face showing her confusion as she processed what she said.

"I was inconsiderate. I didn't think… I just didn't think," Regina confessed. "That's not who I want to be. I don't even think that's really who I am. It's just… habit. It does not excuse my behavior. I have regretted the way I treated you every second since that night. You will never know how sorry I am. I would never hurt you intentionally. Ever."

Emma stood in silence, trying to decide what to say next.

Regina had nothing left to say, "I'll leave now. Just, please, know that from the depths of my heart how sorry I am that I hurt you."

Emma watched as her beautiful eyes started to warm with tears. Regina looked at her again, and Emma could see the pain, the guilt in her eyes, as she turned to walk away.

Emma swallowed and called to her softly, "Wait."

Regina turned around, thanking every god she'd ever heard of for that one word.

"I don't deserve your apology. I owe you an apology. I've just been…too embarrassed to tell you," Emma blushed.

Regina looked at her confused and stepped towards her. When she didn't flinch or move away, she continued and took her hands gently.

"You owe me nothing, Emma. All of that was me. It was my fault," Regina reassured her.

Emma shook her head. "No, I should have been more…more for you, but I couldn't. I'm ashamed. You deserve more than that."

"Emma, you did nothing wrong, you do realize that don't you?" Regina waited for a response but got nothing from her. Regina collected the memory fragments and tried to arrange them, finally coming to a bile rising conclusion, "You don't realize that, do you? You think that it's because what I wanted that you should have acted differently, even if it wasn't what you wanted."

Emma shrugged, "You are so loving and giving. You had been so patient and you deserved it. I couldn't though and I'm ashamed of myself. I wanted to…for you, you know. I really, really did, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry."

Regina looked into her eyes, seeing years of pain and guilt swirling, and it made her angry. Angry that others had damaged that beautiful woman in ways that no one should be.

Regina pulled her close and held her for a few moments. "I know you don't believe me right now, that you can't believe me right now, but you deserve what you want, too. You deserve to be loved and cared for, doted on, because you are the brightest star in the sky to me. I want to give you so much. I want you to know, and expect, that you deserve that and so much more. And I can be patient, Emma. I can. I want to explore this with you. If you'll give me another chance, you'll call the shots. You'll decide how we proceed." Emma took a moment then nodded into her shoulder before whispering, "I want that, too. Don't give up on me, Regina. Not yet. Let me try too."

Now, Regina knelt in front of Emma, patiently waiting for Emma to form her thoughts and share them with her.

"Regina, I don't deserve to be with you. You are everything and I love you so much. I love the way you love Henry. I love how you've found yourself. I love how you love me."

"Emma," Regina told her, " _You're_ my everything."

Emma smiled at her softly. "You're my everything, too. Yes."

"Yes?" Regina asked with a smile.

"Yes," Emma nodded in return.

Regina brought their lips together and their kiss began to burn. She drew her hand up to cup Emma's porcelain cheek and Emma brought her hands up into the brunette's thick hair. They rose on their knees, giving each other more access. Emma slid her hands down her neck and began to work the buttons of her shirt, revealing her breasts in the bra beneath it. She pushed the shirt off her shoulders and Regina shrugged out of it, continuing to kiss her firmly, stroking her back with one hand. Emma reached around and unclasped her bra, the cool air hitting Regina's skin and setting her nipples on point. Emma relaxed her own shoulders, giving Regina the invitation to move in her own time. Regina carefully tugged the shirt over Emma's head and made quick work of her bra before settling in to lavish hot, full kisses onto her light pink nipples. Emma dropped her head back to give her more access to her neck and chest. Regina smiled and began to place gentle kisses along her neck, places she knew ignited Emma's passion. They broke apart for a moment and looked at each other, Emma giving a nodless look that told her to go ahead, she was ready. Regina shimmied out of her skirt and tights, knelt in front of Emma in only her satin underwear. She put her hands on Emma's hips and guided her up towards the coffee table. Emma cocked her head to one side and smiled softly at this new development, and Regina waited to judge her reaction. Emma rose with the guidance and Regina worked her jeans down her legs and off, her panties close by. Regina rose tall on her knees and guided Emma back halfway on the table, pulling her bottom towards the side of the table. She pushed her knees up, propping her feet on the edge of the table. She placed kisses on her ankles, up her calves and thighs and then settled gently, softly between her legs, starting to kiss and stroke her most precious center. Regina felt her hips begin to rise in the steady rhythm being created, her legs relaxed and opened wider, her invitation to gently press one then two fingers inside her to match the rhythm Emma had set. Emma's groans had gotten louder, more impassioned, bolder. She brought a hand to rest against the back of Regina's head to encourage her to continue. Emma was close, she could feel it. Regina took a chance and carefully inserted a finger into her ass, continuing to stroke both in rhythm. Emma never startled, only groaned louder, her hips moving faster against the circus of pleasure happening all against her. Regina felt her legs tense as her climax neared and Emma yelled her name as she came. Regina rested a cheek against her thigh and let her ride her fingers until her body had relaxed, carefully removing herself and bringing Emma down into her lap on the floor. The blonde's forehead was sticky with sweat and her eyes were drunk in euphoria.

"Amazing," Emma said, kissing her face all over. "You are amazing."

Regina smiled at her. "I love watching you come for me. To give that to you. I love making love with you, Emma Swan."

Emma smiled, "I love making love with you, too, Regina Mills."

They resumed kissing, their heat resuming as Emma would make her move to give Regina the pleasure she so desperately wanted to give. They made love throughout the night until the fire was embers. They never knew that greedy eyes were watching them from far away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Emma sat up like a shot as the sun came in the room. She felt anxious. Regina stirred beside her and looked up with a sexy smile. "Good morning, beautiful. We didn't make it to bed last night."

"No," was all Emma could come up with.

Regina sat up and pulled the blanket around Emma. "You ok? Not having second thoughts about marrying me are you?" she teased.

But Emma was tense.

"Are you ok?" Regina asked in concern, drawing her back down into her embrace.

"I don't know," Emma told her honestly. "I just feel… anxious? I feel…something. I don't know what it is."

"Maybe it's just waking up somewhere different?" Regina offered, stroking her bare arm as they lay together in the floor.

"Maybe," Emma said, not entirely sure she believed it.

"I'm going to go for a run this morning," Regina told her, "I've put on a few pounds and I've gotten lazy. I have to look smashing on our wedding day."

Emma smiled and chuckled, propping herself up on an elbow to look at the smiling face. "You are the single most beautiful, sexy creature to ever walk this earth. And I for one think that you should stay here and make love with me this morning."

"Mm, do you now Ms. Swan? I think that can certainly be arranged." Regina drew her down and kissed her lips, igniting another round of passionate lovemaking between them.

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Emma woke with a start to find the space beside her cold and empty. She heard the front door open and she pulled the blanket around her and bolted towards the door.

"Regina!" she cried out.

Regina pulled the earphone from her ear, "Emma? Is everything ok?"

"I…I woke up and you were gone," she told her.

"I wanted to go for a run. You looked so beautiful and peaceful sleeping there. I didn't want to wake you," she told her.

"Regina… don't go," Emma asked her.

Regina laughed, "I'm just going for a run, darling, I'll be back soon." She stroked Emma's cheek but saw the concern in her eyes. "You really don't want me to go, do you?"

"No, I just have a feeling. Just…don't go, please don't go," Emma pleaded.

"Why don't you come with me? We haven't run together in ages. It'll be nice. The sun is warming the frost and it will make you feel better," she offered.

Emma nodded, "Ok, but come upstairs with me while I change. I don't want you out here by yourself."

Regina took her hand and led them upstairs while Emma changed. This was new. She first thought it was insecurity with the change in their relationship, but she quickly realized that something was bothering Emma and it was bringing out her protective side. She trusted Emma's instincts and understood how important it was for her to protect those she loved. It would all eventually come to the fore, but she would be patient. She was always patient.

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Emma relaxed as the day progressed and they enjoyed an easy day at home. Emma had given Regina no clues about their mystery date, only telling her to dress warmly. As the evening approached, Emma settled Regina in the kitchen with a book and a drink, and made preparations for their evening. As the clock struck six, Emma bounded into the kitchen with a smile.

"Ok, we're ready to go," she said proudly. Regina rose and headed to get her coat, stopping to wrap the blonde in her arms and give her a deep, thoughtful kiss, holding her hand as they walked towards the door.

The Prius hummed in near silence as they drove out of the lights of Storybrooke. Emma had finally given up on the yellow bug, ready to let go of that part of her past and ready for something new. She didn't, however, give up on the yellow. Regina thought it was hideous and completely insensible. Emma loved it. They pulled off the main road, still within the town lines, and the car bumped across a field before parking near the treeline.

"We walk from here," Emma told her as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Regina got out of the car, even more curious as Emma strapped on a large hiking backpack and took Regina by the hand, walking through the forest. They walked for only a few minutes before the trees opened up to reveal a small, but very beautiful, pond.

"Wait here for just a minute," Emma instructed, "and uh, close your eyes or something."

Regina chuckled but covered her eyes with her hands as Emma walked away. A few moments passed and Regina could hear Emma's footsteps coming back for her. She took her hand and started leading her forward. "No peeking!" She commanded.

Regina was carefully guided not too far from their location and then encouraged to sit down.

"You can look now," Emma told her. When Regina removed her hand from her eyes, she saw that Emma had packed them a picnic.

"A night picnic? Why Ms. Swan this is certainly new," Regina commended.

"This is not just any night, Regina. Not only is this the official anniversary of our first date, we're also expecting a meteor shower this evening. _And_ if the sky is clear, we should be able to see Venus," Emma told her.

Regina listened at the sound of nothing around her, looked at the natural beauty around them, and could have stayed right there forever, just the two of them.

Emma mistook her silent appreciation for disappointment. "You wanted something fancier?" she asked.

"No, this is perfect. It is beautiful, just like you. I was just wondering how could I hide away here with you forever," she smiled.

"I didn't pack that much food…" Emma teased, inciting a laugh from Regina.

Emma and Regina cast a warming spell around them, allowing them to enjoy the evening though it was quite cold. They ate, talked, and gazed at the surroundings, time floating away, wine warming their veins. The stars shone. As the meteors started to streak through the sky, Emma guided them both onto their backs onto the blankets and they hold onto each other watching the strange phenomenon.

"I love you, Regina. Thank you for being my everything."

Regina kissed her nose, "I should thank you. I love you so much, Emma."

They turned to one another and began to kiss softly. They knew it wouldn't be enough. Alone in the middle of nowhere, Emma sat up and pulled Regina towards her. Moments later, they were both undressed, kissing and exploring each other's bodies. Emma drew Regina into her lap, settling her in while she started placing hot, open mouthed kisses all along her collarbone before settling herself on her ample breasts. Regina draped her legs around Emma's waist there on the ground and steadied herself with hands on Emma's strong shoulders. She leaned back, opening herself up to more of Emma's kisses, kisses she dreamt about, fantasized about, and on more than one occasion, masturbated to. This evening she wouldn't need to as fingers slipped inside of her as she sat riding Emma's lap. Emma continued to suck and nip at her nipples, her fingers thrusting at an increasing pace as Regina searched for her release. A thumb pressed into the side of Regina's hooded clit and Regina almost lost her mind. Emma didn't want to lose her yet so she left her thumb there until Regina's body resumed its former rhythm. Only then did she start to move slowly against her. Emma felt Regina's grip on her shoulders tighten and she watched her face as her held was thrown back as she rode towards her finish. The moon shone off the water and lit Regina like a mirage. Emma had never felt so lucky in her life.

"Emma," Regina pleaded. "Finish me, please." Emma complied, finding the spot on her clit and curling her fingers in time to feel her walls clench down around her. She rode her fingers until the waves had passed, hanging her head against Emma's shoulder. Emma felt bold, she laid her down and stroked her slit with her hot tongue, causing Regina to shudder against her. She pushed her knees up, bringing one over her shoulder, and settled in to suckle, lick, and flick her aching engorged clit. It felt so good it was almost painful, but Regina dare not stop her. Emma's fingers were curious and Regina knew she wanted to try the new penetration she had explored with her the evening before, but she was timid. Regina reached down between her legs and guided her hands towards her ass. She stroked Emma's arm letting her know it was ok. She slowly inserted a finger into that tight opening and began to stroke a gentle rhythm as she increased the attention on her clit. The two different rhythms and feelings had Regina's body gloriously confused before it exploded in an orgasm that had no words. Emma kissed her way back up Regina's body and placed kisses along her jaw and onto her mouth, waiting for Regina's heart to return to its usual rhythm.

She smiled at Regina, pleased she could give her so much pleasure in that act. And Regina wanted to return that to her in spades.

"Emma, do you trust me?" Regina asked her.

"Of course," Emma told her.

"I'm going to try something, if you don't like it or don't want to do it, you just need to tell me and we'll stop. You know that, right?"

"I do. I know I can tell you to stop," Emma said. It was a conversation they had each time Regina tried something new with her. That consistency helped Emma explore her sexuality in a timed way. Regina nodded and whirled her hands in front of her.

"Do you know what this is?" Regina asked. Emma's eyes widened and she nodded. "Do you want to try?"

Emma nodded again. "You're sure?" Regina asked her.

"I'm sure," Emma confirmed. Regina nodded and placed the object to the side for the moment.

"First, I want to taste you, Emma Swan. I want to see you come for me in this moonlight," Regina told her.

Emma almost came just from her words. Regina drew her up on her knees then lay down on the ground. "Come to me, let's watch the stars while I eat you," she told her. Emma had never experienced sex in that way before, but she trusted Regina and scooted to place herself over Regina's face. The moon lit them both up. Regina guided Emma's hips down and explored her with a swipe. "So wet for me, darling. All for me." Emma nodded and closed her eyes as the hot tongue started to grace her folds. From behind, Regina reached to open her up, and inserted a hot firm tongue inside her. It was so foreign and so wonderful that Emma began to shudder slightly. Regina continued her thrusts and strokes, carefully avoiding her painfully aroused clit. Finally feeling she had teased her long enough, she pulled her down further and settled against her, starting a rhythm that she knew would push Emma over the edge in minutes. And she did, she fell completely apart, dripping her juices against Regina's face.

Regina let her ride out the waves of her orgasm and gently moved her off of her, helping her onto all fours. She adjusted the strap on and positioned herself behind Emma. She was drunkenly relaxed in her post-orgasmic bliss. Regina used the tip of the purple member to tease her entrance, all the while stroking her hips and back, reassuring her that she only wanted to give her pleasure. She pushed the tip into her softly and felt her tense. She waited until she relaxed and continue to insert the thick length into her eliciting a loud and hearty moan from Emma. All she heard was "oh my God," under Emma's breath. Regina started a rhythm behind her and worked to find the spot she knew would make Emma see a whole different kind of stars. She bent over Emma's back to increase the depth, rubbing her own nipples along Emma's back, reaching to tease an erect nipple. Emma started to push back against her, wanting more depth, a quicker pace, and Regina was only too happy to oblige. Seconds before she knew Emma would come undone, she reached another hand around her and lightly pinched her clit, causing a scream of appreciation she had never heard before. Regina slowed her movements and let Emma ride against her in her own time, finally slowing to a finish. She removed the toy from her and unstrapped it from herself, pulling Emma against her, kissing her forehead.

"I will never tire of making love to you," she told the blonde.

"I will never tired of you making love to me," the blonde whispered against her.

They lay together for some time before they started feeling drowsy.

"We should go, my darling," Regina told her. Emma nodded. "I'll pack everything up."

Regina headed back towards the car as Emma gathered the remainder of their picnic and followed. The feeling from earlier returned in spades. She dropped everything and took off at a sprint. "Regina!" she yelled. In the woods, there were too many footsteps for just the two of them. Emma caught up to her and Regina was also on high alert.

"Ow!" Regina yelled, grabbing her neck. She pulled a dart from her neck and took a quick look at it. "Emma, run!"

It was too late, Emma was pulling a dart from her own neck as she sank to the ground and their vision started to blur. Emma went down first and all she could see was Regina's mouth moving as she knelt over her before she blacked out completely. Regina shook the woman with the little strength that remained until she too collapsed unconscious on the ground.

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When Regina came to, the sun was out and there were voices around her. She looked up into the bright cold sky to see Snow White's face looking down at her in concern.

"Yours is not the face I like waking up to in the morning," she sneered. She sat up and a rush hit her in the head causing extreme pain. She winced as she brought a hand up to her head. Regina looked around confused at her surroundings. "Where am I? Where's Emma?" Regina asked, as the evening's memories came back to her.

"We don't know," Snow told her. "We just found you about ten minutes ago. What were you two doing out here?"

Regina deadpanned, "Having hot lesbian sex in the moonlight."

Mary Margaret blushed at her disclosure. "What happened? Where's Emma?"

Regina's head hurt too much to be more sarcastic with her. As David walked over, she began, "I don't really know. We were packing up to head back to the car and go home. That was maybe 10:30 or so. I was walking ahead of her and then I heard her yell my name. There was a sting in my neck and I pulled out a dart. I yelled for Emma to run but she had already dropped to the ground. She had pulled a dart out of her neck. She blacked out then I blacked out and now we're here. We have to find her," Regina started to panic.

David tried to remain calm, "A dart? What kind of dart?"

"I'm a sorceress not a shaman, Charming. I don't know, it was just a dart which I'm assuming had some sort of poison on it. It knocked us both out in less than a minute. Who's tracking Emma? How did you find me?"

"Emma didn't show up for work today," David told her, "so I called your office to find out if she was home sick and they said you didn't come in either. We phoned your cell phones and when no one answered we went to the house and no one was home. I tracked Emma's phone to her car and Snow followed your trail here," David told her.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"About 9:30," Snow told her.

"I was out for eleven hours? We have to get moving and find Emma," Regina started to jump up but the thumping in her head was slowing her down. Snow reached to help her up. "Head?" Regina nodded, "like a migraine, only worse. Whatever was on that was powerful." Regina looked around at the ground around her. "We should be able to find it here somewhere…"

"I'll have Ruby look and see what she can find. In the meantime, let's get some bloodwork on you and go from there," David instructed.

"No, I'm going to find Emma," she told him. But as she tried to walk away, she swayed from dizziness.

Snow supported her, "We will find Emma, and you're our best chance, but we need to know what happened so we need you to get to the hospital for that bloodwork."

Regina begrudgingly agreed and headed to the hospital with Snow and David.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

When Regina's headache cleared a couple of hours later, she still felt oddly disconnected. She joined Snow, David, and Ruby at the Sheriff's station as they looked at maps of the woods, somehow willing answers to come to them.

"Where's Henry?" Regina asked.

"He went to pick us up some coffee from Granny's," David told her. "He's pretty shaken but he's trying not to show it."

Regina nodded, "what have you got?" she asked with her hands on her hips.

"Not much," Ruby told her. "I couldn't find anything out there."

Regina nodded.

"No, you don't understand," Ruby told her, "I couldn't find _anything_. Whoever was out there did some kind of magic job out there and there was nothing to find. No scents of any kind. No animals, no plants, nothing. It was like smelling plain water. That doesn't just happen, it's intentional."

"So someone planned this?" Regina confirmed.

"That's our assumption, right now. The question is who and why? Emma doesn't have any real enemies in this town that I can think of," David told her.

"What about-" Regina closed her eyes tightly and her head swam. She could hear Emma's screams in her head and could see flashes around her of stone. Emma was being pulled by bound wrists down a corridor but before she could see who was doing it, her vision went dark though she was conscious. Regina could hear what was happening, see what was happening, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As quickly as the feeling hit her, it receded, or so it seemed to Regina. When she refocused in front of her, a very worried Henry was in the company of Ruby, David, and Mary Margaret as they tried to get her attention.

"Regina? Are you ok?" Mary Margaret asked in concern.

"I think so," Regina said confused. "For a moment, I could…see what Emma was experiencing."

"Mom?" Henry interrupted.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Regina said as she walked to him.

"What happened? Where's Emma?" he asked her softly, trying to hold back tears.

She embraced him and kiss his head. "I don't know, baby, but I'll find her, I promise you."

He nodded and looked at the adults around him. "Maybe I could go see Belle at the library? Try to help?"

"I think that's a great idea. I'll see you at home later, ok?"

The four didn't speak until he was out of earshot.

"What happened?" David asked her.

"I don't know. There for just a moment, I could see what Emma was seeing, hear her thoughts. She was being dragged somewhere, but I don't know where."

"Could you just…will yourself to her?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I could try, I suppose. I'm still not at optimal performance but I can try," Regina told her. She closed her eyes and began to concentrate. She focused on her desire to be with Emma, to find her, hold her, but she wanted more than anything to find the person who kidnapped her to start with. She tried to put what few pieces she could together of the stone walls and with great effort she swirled into purple smoke and heard a scream.

It all happened at the same time. She could hear Emma register pain, heard her scream, and she reappeared back at the station.

"It didn't work," Mary Margaret said, disappointed.

"Someone's hurting her," was all Regina could get out. "Let me try again." Regina refocused and doubled her efforts. She thought about how much she wanted to get to her, to make the person hurting her pay, she used that anger and tried once again to get to her. Like before, the purple smoke swirled around her and this time Emma's pain was stronger, louder, but there was nothing she could see. As she reappeared, Regina was angry. She drew a fireball into her hand to throw to release her anger when Emma's cries resounded in her head again. She quickly extinguished it.

"That doesn't make sense," Regina said aloud.

"What doesn't make sense, Regina?" Mary Margaret asked.

"It could be a coincidence, but every time I try to use magic, Emma screams in pain," she explained.

"How's that possible?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know. I also don't know why I could see what she was seeing earlier," Regina told them. She thought for just a moment the told them, "Get Rumplestiltskin."

"Regina, are you sure you want to do that?" Mary Margaret asked in shock.

"Yes, just get him here. I need him," she explained.

Mary Margaret nodded and stepped out to phone Belle.

Regina sat down at Emma's desk defeated. She wanted to do something, say something but she didn't know what to do. Just as she tried to formulate a plan, she was enveloped again and back inside Emma's head. Her shoulders ached, her bound wrists were extended above her and she was awkwardly knelt on the floor, stretching her just enough to not allow her to rest. She was exhausted and the taste of blood in her mouth was making Emma ill. She still couldn't see anything and realized someone had blindfolded her. In Emma's head, she heard her name being called. Then, it was interrupted. In Emma's head, she heard a voice talking to her, she couldn't tell what they were saying or who it was, their connection wasn't clear enough, but someone was saying something that was upsetting her. Emma's thoughts were becoming more clear to her but her senses weren't connected together just yet. Regina heard her register pain against her face and the taste of blood in her mouth again. More voices and Emma yelled unintelligible words at the voice. Emma's brain registered pain in her ribs, once, twice, three times before her breath was stolen from her. As Regina tried to reach out to her, their connection dissipated and she was back in the station with David repeating her name at the desk.

"Again?" he asked.

She nodded, "but more this time. Whatever's happening is getting stronger."

"What's…happening to her?" he asked tentatively.

Regina could only look up at him with pained eyes, unsure if she should share the details with him.

"She's hurt," was all Regina could tell him. She could tell he wanted more but at the same time, didn't want to know what was happening to his daughter.

"Were you able to figure out where she is?" he asked her.

Regina shook her head, "she's blindfolded."

Ruby interrupted, "this is some powerful magic. Who could have that much power?"

Regina sighed, "I don't know. There's very few who can manipulate the environment like they did in the field and even fewer who could use such strong telepathic magic. Rumplestiltskin could do it, I could do it, but that's about it. I have no idea who else could manage that kind of magic."

Moments later, Rumplestiltskin joined them in the station. The two looked at each other cautiously.

"You called for me, your majesty?" he sneered.

"Cut the crap, Gold. I need your help," she told him.

Regina explained everything that happened to that point.

"So you think when your magic is used, that it causes her pain? Curious," he admitted with a slight smile.

"Emma's in trouble. It's not curious, this is serious. What do you know?" she challenged him.

"Let us try an experiment, shall we? When have you been able to connect with her?" he asked.

"I don't get to choose. It's just sort of happened both times, except when I tried to get to her and when I conjured the fireball, then I could connect with her," she explained.

"Try again," he instructed.

"No," Mary Margaret interjected. "Regina told you that it causes Emma pain."

"She _thinks_ it causes her pain. We need to know for sure," he instructed.

"He's right," David told them all.

"I don't want to do this," Regina hissed. "How could this possibly help?"

"We'll know for sure. That will give us something to go on," he smiled.

"What if I just use magic to throw you out that window? It will accomplish the same goal and make me feel better," she offered.

"Your choice, your majesty. We want to get that little tart back to you don't we?" he prodded.

Regina's anger was unleashed as she threw him against the wall and tried to crush him against it. She was stopped as Emma's screams rang in her ears, her brain registering pain throughout her body. Regina released him quickly and he stood up, dusting himself off. "Well?" he asked.

"Yes," Regina admitted.

"Good," Rumple told her. "Now you have somewhere to start."

"That's it? That's all the advice you have?" she asked.

"I'm out of the magic game, dearie. I promised Belle. You'll have to figure this one out on your own," he told her.

"You horrible-" she started.

"Ah, ah, ah, your majesty. Don't let that temper get the better of you, for Emma's sake. Good day Charmings," and with that he was out the door.

Regina sat down and sighed, "well that was not as helpful as I had hoped."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The four of them sat in the mayor's office after lunch trying to figure out where Emma could be. There wasn't much to go on. Regina hadn't had another flash from her in hours and it made her worry. The little information they had told Regina whoever took her probably had her underground, somewhere like a mine.

"I could try a locator spell," Regina offered. "But every time I use magic, it causes her increasing pain. I don't want to try something if I don't think it will work."

"I agree," Ruby said. "Let's think about where she could be. Have the dwarves reported back yet?"

Mary Margaret nodded, "I just heard from Leroy. They searched the mine, even the abandoned shafts and found nothing. No sign of anyone or anything in there other than them."

"What about that cellar? The one Zelena held Gold in? Or another storm cellar in town?" David asked.

"I'll go check on it," Ruby told them as she grabbed a gun and headed out.

"This is so frustrating!" Regina said rubbing her temples. "I feel so powerless."

Only seconds after, she was pulled in again and this time Emma registered cold earth beneath her face, she was trying to rest but her sides were hurting too badly. She was flexing her feet, trying to warm her exposed toes. _Cold earth_ , Regina tucked away into her memory. Emma looked at the wall in front of her but only saw grey stone. She was gagged, Regina could tell. Emma knew it and never thought it clearly but the connection between the two was growing and she knew someone had orchestrated this effect. Whoever had her wanted her to see what was happening.

"Again?" Mary Margaret asked.

Regina nodded. "She's somewhere underground, she's laying on the ground, no floor. She can see stone."

"We already knew that," Mary Margaret said irritatedly.

"Well I'm sorry Snow. I don't have control of this. Whoever has her wants to connect us, wants me to see what's happening to her," Regina sniped at her.

Mary Margaret was frustrated and starting to take it out on her. "Naturally, the people I love get hurt because of you."

"The people you love?" Regina said, rising to meet Mary Margaret, "I love Emma with her fiber of my being. This is not my fault!"

"Not your fault?" Mary Margaret laughed, "Really? Then why did whoever that took her want you to see how she's being hurt? Did you think of that? Or are you too self-centered to realize it?"

"Of all the…" Regina started.

"Why did you let them take her to begin with?!" Mary Margaret yelled and burst into tears.

David stepped in between them, "This isn't going to get Emma back. Snow, look at me," he coaxed.

She was sobbing softly as he held onto her, "We'll find her. We always find the ones we love. But this isn't helping. Why don't you take a break and go see if Belle and Henry have found anything? We've got this here."

She nodded and looked at Regina briefly before walking out. Regina was nearing tears herself. She knew Snow was right. It _was_ her fault. Whoever had taken Emma wanted Regina to suffer. Trying to figure out who hated Emma would have been easy, there could have only been a few. Those who hated Regina? It would take a lifetime or longer.

"I think I'm going to go home, David. Call me when you hear from Ruby. I'm going to see if I can come up with something there."

"Ok. Be careful, Regina. I'll bring Henry by later," he told her.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

David's phone rang as he entered the library twenty minutes later.

 _Are you on your way here?_ Regina asked.

"No, I've just gotten to the library," he told her.

 _Don't bring Henry here. Have him stay with you tonight but I need you over here. Only you, David. Do not bring Henry or Mary Margaret here under any circumstances, and get here as soon as you can._

He didn't question her, "I'm on my way."

When he arrived to the house, he found Regina sitting on the front step.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Go upstairs to our bedroom," she instructed.

"Why?"

"Just do it, I'll meet you in the kitchen," she told him.

David entered the house. It looked comfortable there. There were blankets tossed on the couch and Emma's reading glasses on the end table. The book she was reading was bookmarked underneath them. Emma lived here, was loved here. He continued up the steps and down the hall towards their bedroom. The door was cracked but when he opened it, the sight shocked him. Thousands of feathers were scattered around the room and a dead, bloody featherless swan lay on one side of the bed.

He came back to find Regina sitting with a tumbler of Scotch at the island in the kitchen. She wordlessly slid a drink for him and he sat down beside her.

"Whoever has her is going to kill her aren't they?" he asked.

"Over my dead body," Regina told him, "I will find her. I will find whoever took her and they will pay for what they've done."

As she thought about Emma, she connected with her again, this time with less effort and it excited her briefly but as she heard Emma's muffled screams of pain and felt her arched back, she was sickened. She heard a voice murmuring _everything, nothing_ and cracked a whip against her back. The pain was excruciating and as much as Emma didn't want to give in, she cried and screamed. _Everything, nothing_ and another crack. Each time, the voice changed.

"Oh my God," Regina said when she emerged. "They're whipping her."

"What?" David asked in surprise.

"Whoever has her, is whipping her back. I think her ribs are bruised or broken. She's been hit in the face I think," she explained, finally telling him what she had been seeing. "They have her tied up at the wrists, they burn, she's struggled against them and they've torn into her skin."

"Why would someone torture her?"

"I don't know. I can hear a voice but it changes each time. It's as if…" Regina stopped.

"What? As if what?" he probed.

"As if they want me to hear what she hears, but I can't figure out why. And it doesn't make sense, all I've heard the voices say is _everything, nothing_. What does that mean?" Regina puzzled.

David's phone buzzed. "Ruby. Anything?" he asked.

Regina was momentarily hopeful. "Ok, thanks for checking. Maybe keep asking around. Can you get a team together to search through the east woods? We'll start there since that's where we found Regina. Ok, I'll check back in with you later."

David stood up to leave. "Get some rest, Regina. We'll meet at your office tomorrow and start again."

Regina shook her head, "I can't sleep. I need to do something. I need to be useful."

"Regina, you aren't going to be useful if you're too exhausted to help us. You are our only connection to Emma right now and we need you focused and rested to help us. Please, try to rest. We'll keep working. Why don't you sleep in the guest room tonight, I'll clean up your bedroom."

She knew he was right. Her exhaustion was skewing her ability to focus intellectually and magically. She accepted his offer without hesitation.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Regina lay in the unfamiliar, sterile guest room and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Emma. Snow's words stung and stayed with her. She second guessed everything that had happened that day. Should she have insisted they stay home after Emma's anxiety that morning? Should she have stayed with her at the lake instead of heading back to the car? Should she have fought harder and transported them from the lake instead of hesitating those few seconds? It was her fault and she hated herself for it. Laying in the dark, she willed herself to connect with Emma just to know she was still alive, the image of the featherless dead swan in her bedroom burned into her brain. With some concentration, she was able to clumsily connect with Emma briefly, she was asleep. She wasn't meant to see everything so she could only register cold, dull ache, and tired. Emma's exhaustion prohibited her from dreaming and Regina was grateful for her rest. She repeated over and over in her head, hoping Emma could hear her, _I will find you. I love you. I will find you. I love you._ Finally, sleep took her over as well.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Regina woke to the sun streaming into the room. For a moment, she had forgotten everything that had happened and she reached to stroke Emma's hair only to find herself alone in the guest room. Suddenly she came out of the haze and remembered everything that had happened. She checked her phone for messages and only had one text from David. _Nothing new. We're at your office when you're ready._ Regina sighed and headed to shower, ready to focus with new energy on finding Emma.

Regina didn't feel like dressing for the Charmings so she arrived in jeans and a black t-shirt, her hair pulled up loosely behind her head. Had Emma been there, she would have made a comment on her ass, telling her how hot she looked in just a t-shirt. She smiled to herself, wishing Emma were there to tease her in the way only she could.

Mary Margaret sat beside David at the table, her arm linked in his and her head propped on his shoulder. Regina knew she should find that endearing but she only found it disgusting. _Of course she'd be concerned about her own need for support_ , Regina thought. Deciding not to provoke another fight today, she went and sat next Ruby.

"Nothing so far," Ruby reported. "East woods are clean and we're moving to the north quadrant next. I have five guys on it but they're getting tired. I'm going to call it at noon and send them home to rest."

"You can't do that!" Mary Margaret exclaimed. "We need to find my Emma."

 _My Emma_ , Regina thought.

"They have to rest, Snow," Ruby explained. "They're going to make mistakes if I don't let them sleep. I'll see if I can get some volunteers to start combing north and I'll have the guys back on it later. We'll keep at it."

"We're sure they're in the woods?" Regina asked.

"You tell us, Regina," Mary Margaret said coldly.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"The information we have all came from you. Maybe you orchestrated this whole thing, maybe you don't want us to find her," Mary Margaret accused.

Regina stood up angrily, "How dare you! You mean to accuse me of having her kidnapped. Why would I do that? We live together."

"Maybe she was breaking up with you," Mary Margaret told her, standing to stare her in the eyes, "She probably came to her senses and decided to move out and you kidnapped her to torture her!"

Regina's anger started to flare, and before she could stop herself, she conjured a fireball in her hand. Pain streaked through Regina's eyes and temples as she stumbled to the floor. Emma was screeching in pain at her use of magic, unintentional though it was. She was back on her knees, arms stretched above her head, blindfolded. Her thoughts were fragmented from exhaustion and pain. A hand grasped her neck and choked her as a voice repeated _everything, nothing._ When Emma started to see spots, the hand released her, giving her the chance to cough in an attempt to catch her breath.

"Regina?" Ruby called again.

"I'm fine," Regina said as she emerged from the connection. "We have to find her. I don't think whoever has her intends to keep her alive for long."

Mary Margaret started to speak but David stopped her. "Snow, I love you. I know you want to find her, but Regina is our best chance. I don't think she had anything to do with Emma being taken and neither do you. You know how much Regina loves her, you've said it yourself. And you know that Emma is madly in love with her as well. Making Regina angry because you're frustrated is only hurting Emma."

She nodded at him, "I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do."

"None of us know what to do, but we're going to keep trying. In the meantime, why don't you go check in with Belle. And you promised Henry he could help you so text him and have him join you. I'll keep you updated," he told her.

She silently agreed and walked towards the door, stopping for just a second to give a wordless apology to Regina by placing a hand on her shoulder. It would have to be enough for now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Regina sighed and hung her head at the table. They had gotten nowhere in the last few days. Her connections with Emma were stronger, more frequent and she knew that Emma had little time left. She was awakened the night before from a dreamless exhausted sleep to Emma's scream. Her head was being yanked backwards and she was drug a few feet by the hair. With an unceremonious stop, her head dropped and hit the floor. She had blacked out. Regina woke with a start and made coffee, texting David that she was ready to get moving again.

"This is so frustrating!" she yelled, banging her fists against the table.

"Regina…" Ruby started.

Regina held her hand up and nodded, understanding Ruby's caution to not let her emotions trigger her magic. She had been good those past few days. Although the terror, pain, and frustration continued to rise, Regina kept herself in check, refusing to harm Emma further.

"Days. And we still don't know where she is or who has her! We don't even know if it's one person or more than one, a man, a woman. Nothing. With all of the knowledge and magic we have, how can we be no closer to finding her?" Regina articulated for them all.

"I know, Regina," David offered. "But I don't know what to do next either."

They had gone to great lengths to scrape up any clue they could. Mary Margaret pleaded with Belle for Rumple's help and even with his magic, he could find nothing. That terrified Regina.

Regina's thoughts were halted as she was pulled into Emma's head once again. The fight in Emma was waning. Blindfolded and bound at the wrists, she was drug once again and dropped to the floor. But this time, instead of pulling her arms up above her head to suspend her, she was pushed roughly to the ground. Regina felt Emma's panic begin to rise. Hands groped at her and began to pull at her clothing, tearing her shirt. She was fighting, screaming and all she could hear was laughter and whispers of _everything, nothing._ Emma kicked the figure above her as they tore her clothes from her body. A knee moved to separate her thighs and as hard as she fought, she was no match for him as he connected with her. She started to cry through her screams, still clawing at him with the weight on top of her. With as much effort as she could muster, she brought her bound wrists to his face and connected with his jawbone. She was met with a hand to the throat and she opened her mouth wide, trying to capture her breath. A sour liquid hit her tongue and choked her as she swallowed. It was vile and nearly instantly Emma began to feel heat behind her ears and the familiarity of the tug in her abdomen. She screamed but she was completely out of control of her own body. Her tears and screams continued. She clawed but there was nothing she could do to prevent the orgasm that overtook her.

Regina grabbed the desk and slid down into the floor on her knees, "a man has her."

"How do you-" David started, but Mary Margaret put a hand on his arm to interrupt him.

Regina sat in the floor, propped against the desk and cried. The tears she had tried to hold back spilled over and she wept hard. She was angry at herself for not being able to do anything. Helplessness was not an emotion the queen did well.

Belle and Henry ran into the office to the scene. David was holding Mary Margaret as they stood by the window. Ruby was curled into the oversized chair, staring at the wall, and Regina sat expressionless in the floor, tear stains on her cheeks.

"We found something," Belle announced. David, Mary Margaret, and Ruby all looked up and walked over to them.

"Mom?" Henry asked. He walked over and knelt beside her. "Mom, is Emma de-?" he couldn't get the words out.

Regina looked up at him, someone else she felt she had failed in this endeavor.

"Mom, please. Help us. I think I found something. Get up, please," he begged.

She stroked his cheek and rose with his help as they crossed the room. The large brown book lay open on the table.

"This," Belle pointed.

The others looked at it with little understanding. Belle sighed and turned the book to face Regina.

"Passive magic," Regina read. "I can't use magic Belle, it hurts Emma everytime I do."

Belle shook her head, "you wouldn't be using magic. Magic would be used on you."

"Go on," Regina instructed.

"When you actively use magic, you can connect with Emma but you hurt her. When someone else tries to use magic, Emma isn't hurt but they can't connect with her. If someone uses magic on you, you should be able to connect and get to her."

Regina thought for a moment. "This might work," she nodded. "So someone would use a transportation spell on me to get me to her."

Belle shook her head. "I think we have to do better than that. We can make a transportation potion using a drop of your blood. When you ingest the potion, it will automatically transport you to the place you want to be most."

"Emma."

"Yes. With Emma," Belle nodded.

"This will work, Mom. I know it will," Henry added.

"Regina, this is the closest we've come. We have to try," Mary Margaret pleaded.

"How do I get her back?" Regina asked.

"You take a second dose of the potion with you and drink it once you find her. That should bring you back," Belle told her but Regina knew something was missing from her explanation.

"Wait," Mary Margaret said, "you said should."

Belle shifted. "There's a couple of possibilities. The undrunk potion in your possession for that long may absorb your magical energy and may become active."

"What does that mean?" David asked.

"It means that if I don't do this fast enough, when I take the second potion and try to transport us both back, I could hurt her...or kill her."

They stood in silence.

"Are there any other options?" Ruby asked.

They all silently agreed that there were none.

"Ok. Get Rumple. I want to do this quickly. I'm afraid…" Regina stopped as she looked at Henry's face.

"I know, Mom. We're all afraid there isn't much time left."

She pulled the teenager into her arms and hugged him. She absorbed his warmth, his love into her and she thought about how much she wanted her family to be complete once again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Now, the potion takes you where you want to go," Rumple instructed. "If you find Emma alive-"

"Rumple!" Belle interrupted. Regina glared at his callous remark.

"My apologies, my love. When you find Emma, where do you think you will want to return to?"

"I suppose home. But I might want to bring her to my office. Or to the station. Or to the hospital. It will be wherever I'm thinking about in that moment."

David nodded, "we'll split up. Ruby, you head to Regina's house to wait. Mary Margaret and I will go to the hospital. Belle, would you stay here in the office?"

There was cautious optimism that the plan would work. The two vials were ready, only awaiting one final ingredient.

"How will I know if the potion has absorbed my energy?" Regina asked.

"It's a clear color right now. Your magical energy is purple and you will see the potion begin to change color the longer the vial is in your possession. A timer of sorts," Belle explained. Regina nodded her head.

"Your hand, your majesty," Rumple instructed sarcastically.

"Don't touch me you imp. I'll do it myself." Regina walked over to the table and moved to pick up the knife on the table.

"Ah ah ah," he stopped her. "Passive magic. You have become a poor student. You cannot do this yourself."

He seemed a bit too pleased at this development.

"Fine," she forced out and pushed her hand out in front of him. He took her hand into his and raised the knife. He sliced diagonally across her palm slowly, watching the red blood seep up.

Regina never flinched. He turned her hand over and let a drop of blood fall into each vial before wrapping her hand in a bandage.

"Let's do this," Regina told them, trying to exude a confidence that would infect the rest of them.

Eyes watched her as she closed her own eyes and concentrated on Emma. She wanted to be with her, hold her, keep her safe. She wanted nothing more than to take her away from her pain. Regina pulled the plug from the vial and downed the contents while continuing to think of Emma. She felt the magic swirl within her, the same way she felt when she transported herself. This time she wasn't trying to transport, only to feel her way to Emma. The whirl within her built slowly and crescendoed until she felt that limbo of nowhereness and then felt her reconstitution, smelling cold, damp air. A few feet from her, a naked figure lay unmoving on the cold stone.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The figure lay lifeless against the cold grey stone. Regina stood several feet away paralyzed, in a state of shock at what lay before her. Her visions, the images from Emma's mind did not prepare her for the harsh reality in front of her. Feeling the vial starting to tingle and warm slightly in her grasp brought her back to reality. The liquid had already begun to turn a very light pink, there wouldn't be much time before it would be completely tuned in to her magic.

Regina hoped that she would startle Emma on her approach but there was no movement and she wasn't sure if the blonde was breathing at all. Her breath hitched as she gently turned her to her back, hoping to elicit some reaction, but Emma's eyes didn't even open at the movement. Regina reached for her neck and felt a faint, weak pulse. The sight before her was nearly unrecognizable. The bruises around her neck were unmatched to the ones on her face. One whole side of her face was swollen and Regina guessed her jaw had been broken from the strike. Emma's hair had been haphazardly cut and one side of her head had hair matted to it in blood. She wanted to vomit but she stroked Emma's forehead and murmured her name. One eye fluttered open, the other too swollen to allow the movement. Emma studied her for a moment and brought her dirty hand to touch Regina's face.

"You came," was all she could murmur.

Regina looked at the woman trying to smile beneath her, wincing as her cheeks tried to draw up on each side. At that moment, Regina reached to touch the side of her face wanting only to ease her pain. Magic released from her fingertips with a soft white glow and the swelling reduced, the bruising fading. The act shocked her. Every other time she had tried to use magic, she had caused Emma intense pain. She reasoned that it must have been the neutral magic within her allowing the act. It reminded her to look at the vial, starting to turn a faint lilac. She drew Emma up into her arms, careful as the naked, broken figure winced in her movements. Regina hurriedly uncorked the bottle and downed the bitter potion. It tasted different than the other – the other was almost tasteless but her magic had started to transform this vial. It made Regina sick. Her own insecurities of her internal goodness came into question, but as she started to feel the magic pulse within her, she drew Emma into her chest and focused on the magic pulling within her. Her only thought was _home._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The swirl of magic pulled them both into a vortex and they materialized in their bedroom at the mansion. Ruby bounded up the stairs hearing their entry and watched Regina carefully lay Emma on the bed.

"Bring me a blanket, Ruby," Regina ordered firmly but kindly.

The wolf nodded and raced to the closet bringing the blanket back to the bed. She was struck at first at the tenderness she witnessed. Regina stroked Emma's bloodied mess of hair and spoke quietly to her, a tear escaping her eye as the figure didn't move beneath her.

"Is she…" Ruby started.

"Almost, we need to get her some help. I just want to help her," Regina said and as she stroked her hair again, the white light emanated from her hands, healing the wounds beneath her.

"What the…I thought you couldn't use magic?" Ruby asked.

"I don't know. I think it's the potion. But I don't know that I can use it for long. I'll try to heal as much as I can before it wears off," Regina told her as she set to work.

Fifteen minutes later David and Mary Margaret were racing up the stairs to see light flowing from Regina's hands and into Emma's body.

"NO!" Mary Margaret shouted and raced toward the bed.

Regina heard the exclamation and the light tinged pink coming from her hands. Emma squinted just slightly with a bit of discomfort.

Ruby grabbed Mary Margaret and pulled her back.

"What are you doing?" she asked Ruby.

"It's fine, Snow. I promise. Let her help Emma," Ruby tried to reassure.

"She'll hurt her. She said using magic-"

"Snow. Stop. We don't understand it either but let them be. She looks much better than when she got here," Ruby explained.

Regina put her hands down in exhaustion. "That's all I can do. We need to get her to a hospital. She's still not conscious. I don't know for sure but she may have a concussion or…"

Ruby put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Let's go then."

Mary Margaret and David moved toward them and Regina put up a hand to indicate for them to stop.

"No one touches her," Regina commanded. "No one but Ruby and me." The soft brown eyes they had become accustomed to had darkened and the former Evil Queen stood before them. She was angry and protective.

"But-" Mary Margaret started but David put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Let's meet them at the hospital. Henry is probably worried," he told her. She nodded and took one more glance at her daughter before taking David's hand and hurrying out.

As Regina and Ruby moved towards Emma, she stirred slightly. "Regina?" she called.

"I'm here, darling. I'm right here," Regina said taking her hand.

"Help me up," Emma asked.

Regina and Ruby slowly sat her up, Emma wincing at the movements as she sat upright.

"Emma?" Regina cupped her cheeks in her hands and looked at her eyes. The dullness in them caused her to ache.

Emma wanted to nod but she couldn't. She shook her head and started to cry, grabbing Regina and holding on, rocking as the tears continued to pour out.

"Shh, my love. I've got you now. I've got you. You're safe now," she tried to reassure.

"We need to get you to the hospital, Em," Ruby told her.

"I want to shower," Emma told them in between sobs.

Regina closed her eyes and took a breath. "You can't shower yet, love. I'm sorry."

"Why? I feel so…" Emma tried to articulate.

"I know, but you can't shower until the doctor looks at you. They'll need to check and see if they can…" Regina tried to explain to her. Emma looked into her eyes ashamed.

"You know? How do you know?" she cried. "I didn't want you to know. Not ever."

"I know. Whatever happened, linked us. I could see things that were happening as if I were in your head, seeing from your eyes," Regina explained.

This declaration caused Emma to wail. "All of it! You saw all of it. How can you look at me now?"

"Emma, listen to me," Regina tried to get her to look directly into her eyes. "I love you. Nothing changes that. Nothing. Let's get you to the hospital to be examined then we'll get you into a hot shower, ok?"

Emma nodded in agreement, not thrilled but understanding.

"Good. Ruby is going to help me stand you up and get you down the stairs," Regina explained.

"Can't you just poof us over there?" Emma asked.

Regina shook her head. "No, that's why it took me so long to get to you. I can't use magic right now, every time I try it hurts you. I think it's because we're linked."

"How long has it been?" Emma asked.

"Three days," Regina said softly closing her eyes, "I'm sorry, Emma. I tried to get there sooner but I couldn't."

"It's ok," Emma told her. "I just want to be home for good."

Ruby and Regina helped Emma up slowly. Every pain in her body suddenly surged and Emma cried out. They waited until the pain subsided and slowly helped her out of the room and down the stairs into the car. Regina sat in the back of the Mercedes and held onto Emma tightly.

"I must be pretty bad off," Emma told her.

"Why do you think that?" Regina asked, stroking her head.

"You're letting Ruby drive your car," she tried to smile.

It wasn't much but it was something. Her Emma was in there and for the first time she had hope that she would recover.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

When they arrived at the hospital, Regina walked Emma in, bypassing everyone. Ruby stopped at the desk to let them know of their arrival while Regina helped Emma settle.

Emma started to shiver sitting on the bed, waiting for the doctor to arrive. Regina walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a blanket. Before she could get back to her side, the shivers had changed to seizure like shakes and Emma had curled herself into a ball on the bed.

"She's in shock," Ruby said. "I need to find the doctor now." Regina nodded as Ruby rushed out of the room.

Regina gently placed the blanket over Emma and took her hands. "I'm here, Emma. I have you. I'm right here." She stroked Emma's head while watching lifeless eyes leak painful tears.

A gentle knock and the door opened to the room, Mary Margaret and David in the doorway. Regina turned to look at them and shook her head, brows wrinkled, a clear warning to stay away but to let them know she was in charge of the situation.

Ruby came back with Dr. Whale who was engrossed in another chart. When he walked into the room, he was stunned at the sight before him and it took him a moment to come to.

"I'll get a nurse," he announced and left the room as quickly as he entered. By the time he returned, Regina had calmed Emma and she was sat back up again on the edge of the bed, the blanket pulled tightly around her. Regina was stroking her cheek and whispering unendingly to her.

"Ok, let's get the exam started," he announced as he took a step towards her. Emma's flight response was triggered. She jumped down from the bed and raced to the corner, dropping down to a ball, crying. Regina held a hand up to the doctor and the orderly as she knelt beside Emma, gently rubbing her knee, trying to calm her down.

Whale was impatient. "We need to get this done," he told Regina.

Regina nodded to him, continuing to stroke Emma's head and whisper to her, the shaking and trembling began to subside, but Regina continued to talk to her.

"I don't have time for this," Whale announced and pushed his way towards the women in the corner, grabbing Regina unexpectedly by the arm and pulling her away. Emma's pupils dilated and she screamed, hands thrown up in front of her face in defense, wails emanating. The fear set Regina off and she couldn't control herself as she magically pulled Whale across the room and pinned him against the wall.

"Do. Not. Touch. Her," Regina threatened, still pressing him against the wall with her magic.

"Regina," a voice gasped. Regina turned to see Emma gasping for breath on the floor and quickly released Whale. He dropped to the ground with a thud and Emma sucked in a large breath.

"God Emma, I'm sorry," Regina said and she knelt beside her again. "I'm sorry. I didn't…"

Emma shook her head and whispered "hold me." Regina willingly obliged.

David pulled Whale up from the floor. Regina turned to look at them. "Get out," she threatened, dark orbs staring at him. "If you so much as come near this room again, I will have Ruby flay you alive." He blushed, embarrassed and left the room.

"Ruby, find Dr. Anders. And for the love of Merlin, update her _before_ she gets in here. David, Mary Margaret, perhaps you should go. Someone needs to find Henry. I'll call soon."

They were all stunned at everything that had transpired but Regina seemed to have everything in control and they obeyed, leaving Regina to hold a tearlessly sobbing Emma against her.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Dr. Anders released Emma to go home after a thorough exam. She was under strict orders to rest, drink plenty of fluids, and slowly begin eating. Emma sat in the passenger's seat and stared blankly out the window of the car as Regina drove home. The smell of dirt and dried blood permeated everything and it was almost enough to make Regina want to vomit. The quiet though, that was what was killing her.

Emma dozed off on the way home and when they pulled into the driveway, Regina almost didn't want to wake her. She wasn't even sure how, but when she turned the car off, Emma roused and looked around.

"We're home, baby," Regina said, stroking her leg. Emma nodded. "Let me come around and help you in."

Emma waited. Regina expected protest, some fight, but Emma sat in the passenger seat until Regina came around and helped her out of the car slowly. They moved down the sidewalk and inside and Emma was panting from the exertion.

"Shower," Emma said. Regina nodded and helped her slowly upstairs and into the bathroom.

She wasn't sure why, but it felt awkward to be there with her. They had showered together, made love together in that bathroom a hundred times but this time, it was uncomfortable.

"I don't know what to do," Regina admitted. "Do you want me to go or to stay? Do you want help?"

Emma looked defeated. She interpreted her admission, her questions as an extension of her pity and shame. Tears began to fall down Emma's cheeks once again.

"Hey," Regina said, slowly moving towards her, "I'm right here. You just tell me what you want and what you need. And you can tell me to stop anytime, you know that right?"

The familiar words, the phrases they shared calmed Emma and helped her focus.

"I need help. Please don't leave me," Emma admitted, looking directly into Regina's eyes.

Regina knew her admission wasn't just about her shower.

"Of course not. I will always be here. You're my everything," Regina told her. Emma winced.

"What?" Regina asked her quizzically. Emma shook her head. "Just help me into the shower, please. I want to be clean."

Regina helped Emma undress. Most of her open wounds had been healed with magic when she rescued her but there was still a great deal of pain and damage. Trying to work her arms out of her sleeves taxed her bruised ribs. Emma slipped into the hot shower and let the water run down her body.

"I'm going to get some towels, Emma. I'll be right back," Regina told her.

Emma's pain was etched into her very soul. When Regina had disappeared into the hall, the voice returned into her head and Emma sank to her knees in the shower, clutching her arms around herself and rocking, crying. By the time Regina returned, Emma was curled into a ball with her head propped against the wall of the shower, sobbing. Regina disrobed down to her bra and panties and slid into the shower with her.

"I'm right here. You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you," she affirmed.

"I can't wash my hair," Emma told her. "It hurts."

"I'll help you," Regina told her as she began to run her fingers through Emma's hair. Regina slowly, carefully and lovingly helped Emma bathe. The water in the tub ran brown from the dried blood in her hair and Regina watched as she soaped and washed Emma, the color changing from dirty brown to a soapy clear when she was done. Emma didn't move. She sat staring out into space as Regina rinsed her hair and turned off the water.

Regina helped Emma up and out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her, but not before seeing the damage that had been done. The scars on her back were prominent – still red and angry though no longer the gaping wound they were when she first found her. The bruises on her ribs and chest were fresh and black. And her thighs, the fingermarks on her thighs and other bruises were a reminder to them both of what had transpired.

In their room, Regina helped Emma into some loose pajamas and guided her into bed.

"Sleep my love," Regina instructed.

"I can't," Emma admitted. "What if this is a dream. Or what if I dream about-"

"This isn't a dream, Emma. Look at me," Regina asked. "I'll hold you. I'll be right here. You rest and let me watch over you."

Emma was too tired to argue, she tucked into Regina and before she could process much, she fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Regina stroked Emma's head as she drifted off to sleep in the bed. It was just dusk and Regina was fearful of what would invade Emma's subconscious when the sun finally set. Her own pain, her terrors were always so much greater at night and she feared Emma's would be as well.

Three days. It had only been those few days ago when they were deep in bliss. They were the only two people in the world then and they secretly relished knowing that they had decided to get married. The celebration of their relationship that evening in the woods seemed so perfectly magical. Happiness was fleeting. Regina was angry and hurt. Their happiness had been destroyed for a reason she couldn't even figure out. But the one thing she did know was that it was her fault. Whoever had taken Emma had intended for her to suffer, to suffer in a way that Regina could witness. But why? As the sun sank lower and Emma's breathing evened out, she sat in the darkness, Emma beside her, her thoughts swirling.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Regina woke with the sun starting to break and pour into their room. Emma had turned into her, holding on, her nightshirt in Emma's fists as she slept. Regina was so happy to know she had gotten the rest she needed, that at least for one night, she would sleep. She knew that it would not continue but was grateful for that one evening.

She stroked Emma's head. The long beautiful blonde tresses that once framed her face and shoulders had been roughly shorn, leaving uneven short hair about her head. The bruising around her neck had faded a bit. Regina thought back to the hand around her neck and everything that had transpired. She wanted to kill whoever had done this to her.

"Regina?" Emma called out groggily.

"Yes, my darling. I'm here. I'm right here with you," Regina assured her.

"You stayed," Emma remarked.

"Of course," Regina told her, kissing her head.

"Why would you stay?" Emma asked seriously.

"What do you mean? I love you. I told you I would be here. I promised not to leave," Regina reminded her.

Emma was silent for a minute, thinking deeply as Regina continued to stroke her head.

"I'm sorry, Regina," Emma whispered and started to softly cry.

"Hey," Regina lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "Why are you sorry? There's nothing for you to be sorry about."

Emma opened her mouth then shook her head. She didn't need to say anymore.

"We'll talk when you want to talk. We'll talk about what you want to talk about. Until you're ready, just know that I love you. I'm here and I'm not leaving, ok?" Regina reassured.

Emma nodded, "ok."

"You're supposed to be resting today. What if I go down and make us some breakfast?"

"NO!" Emma jumped up. "No! Don't leave me, Regina. Please don't leave me. Please-"

Regina grabbed her and pulled her into her chest as Emma started to cry.

"I'm not going to leave. I promise you," Regina tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks as Emma cried softly against her.

When her tears subsided, Emma pulled away to sit herself up. "I'm sorry, Regina."

"Emma, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. We're going to do this together. Do you want to come downstairs with me?"

"I'd… I'd like to shower first. Will you come with me? Please?" Emma asked softly.

"Of course, let's get showered and then we'll go downstairs." Emma nodded and let Regina carefully guide her up from the bed and into their bathroom.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Emma sat at the counter while Regina started making breakfast.

"Dr. Anders said to keep your food light for a day or so. I'm going to make you some scrambled egg whites. Sound ok?" she asked. There was no response. When Regina turned around, Emma was sat at the counter staring off, a million miles away.

"Emma?" she said, taking a step towards her. The blonde looked up. "Emma?"

"Sorry. What did you say?" she asked.

"I said I was going to make you some scrambled egg whites. Does that sound alright?" Regina asked again.

Emma nodded. There was silence in the kitchen as Regina began to break eggs and separate the yolks. The conversations about their daily schedules and playful banter was painfully absent.

"Regina?" Emma asked.

"Yes, darling?"

"When you say, you could see what happened. What did you mean?" she asked.

Regina wasn't sure if they should be talking about it so soon. The look in Emma's eyes told her that she needed to know. She wiped her hands on a towel and sat beside her at the counter.

"I would get flashes. I would get pulled in and I could hear and see what was happening around you," she explained.

"But you couldn't find me?" Emma asked her.

"No. Each time I tried to use magic…. It would hurt you. Like when we were at the hospital," she went on.

Emma nodded. "Were you able to see everything all the time?"

"No. Only fragments. They came in bursts and I couldn't control it. I was only able to see whatever he wanted me to see."

"What did you see?" Emma asked her.

"Emma… I don't know that we should talk about this without someone here. Maybe we can get Archie-"

"NO!" Emma interrupted. "No, not him. He can't be here." Emma's breathing started to become erratic.

Regina scooted over to her quickly and drew her hand up to her chest, placing her own upon the blonde's chest. "Feel my breathing Emma. Match my breathing and heartbeat. We won't bring anyone here that you don't want here. We're going to do this in your own time. You tell me what you want. You tell me what to do and not do." Emma calmed and nodded.

Emma's hands were shaking at the table. "Emma, are you alright?"

She nodded. "I think I'm just hungry is all. It's been awhile since I've eaten."

"I'm going to get up and finish breakfast now," Regina instructed as she began to rise.

The smell of Regina's cooking helped Emma calm. Her favorite place in the kitchen had always been right there, watching Regina cook and seeing her smile and laugh as they talked. Regina delivered the plate to her and Emma looked at the meal before her.

"Toast and some scrambled eggs. Dr. Anders doesn't want you to overdo it. I'll make you something else a little later. Maybe I'll make you some chicken soup for later this afternoon?" Regina offered.

Emma's hands shook as she tried to pick up the fork and get the eggs onto them. Before she could get frustrated, Regina took the fork from her hand and guided the fork to her mouth. She could see the humiliation in Emma's eyes but her hunger drove her to accept the help. Emma was able to feed herself the toast and sat quietly at the counter gazing into her own lap.

"It's not too cold today. Would you like to sit on the back porch for a bit?" Regina asked.

"Yes, that would be-"

Emma was interrupted by the front door opening and Henry's voice calling in, "Mom? Emma?"

He came quickly into the kitchen and Emma panicked. She jumped up from the counter, knocking the stool over, she stumbled toward the block of knives and pulled one out, racing into the corner of the kitchen and sliding down in a heap. She had the knife drawn in front of her face, tears streaming down her cheeks. She began to murmur "no" and that grew in a crescendo until she was yelling the word, her face shielded by the knife. Tears poured down her cheeks and she grabbed her head before rocking, words tumbling from her _"everything, nothing, everything, nothing, everything, nothing."_

Henry stood shocked in the door of the kitchen as Emma fell apart in the corner. His mother recovered from her own shock and moved slowly toward Emma.

"Emma. Please give me the knife," she asked calmly.

Emma shook her head. "Get him out of here," she pleaded.

Henry was heartbroken. He realized that she didn't want him there and it broke his heart. The sixteen year old teared up and looked at Regina.

"Emma. Please give me the knife," she tried again. Again, Emma shook her head.

"Listen to me, Emma. Nothing is going to happen to you here. I'm here to protect you. Henry is our son. He loves you. He would never hurt you," she tried to reason.

"I know, Regina. Just get him out of here. He can't be here with me. What if I…" and then Regina understood.

"Emma. Please give me the knife. You are not capable of hurting Henry," Regina tried to reason again.

"I'm no good. I'm no good. Nothing. I am nothing. I destroy everything. I destroy everyone. Why am I like this?" Emma explained in staccato.

"Emma. Listen to me. You are good. I love you with all of my heart. Henry loves you. Your parents love you. This town loves you. You are good and pure and wonderful. You have not destroyed anyone or anything. We are good together. You and me. We laugh together. We hold each other. You are good. We are good," she continued on.

"I don't want to hurt people anymore. What if I hurt people? I'm nothing," Emma was barely coherent.

Regina placed her hand on Emma's chest. As she calmed, she drew one of Emma's hands to her own chest. Regina stroked the side of Emma's head and face until she was calm again.

"Emma. Please give me the knife," Regina asked again calmly and this time, Emma's grip loosened and she handed the blade over to her. Emma began to sob softly and Regina pulled her into her chest.

"Henry," Regina said softly. "Please go wait in the living room."

He said nothing as he backed out the door.

Henry listened to soft whispers from the living room. He didn't know what his mother was telling Emma, but her flurry was over. He waited until it was quiet and peeked back into the kitchen. Regina was sat in the floor with Emma's head in her lap, gently stroking her head as she slept soundly.

"Bring me a pillow please," Regina asked her son. "And a blanket."

"You're going to leave her there?" he asked.

"Just for a minute," she assured him.

Once Emma had been settled in the floor, Regina kissed her head and took her son's hand as they walked toward the living room. He sat down on the couch in shock. Regina poured herself a scotch.

"Bit early for a drink, Mom," he mentioned with concern.

"I know. It's not a habit. I promise," she reassured him.

There was silence between them for a few minutes.

"What happened in there?" he asked, trying to hold back tears.

Regina sighed. "She was startled when you came in and she reacted."

"I would never hurt her, Mom. I would never hurt anyone," he said painfully. And suddenly, the ten year old boy she once knew was back.

Regina took his hand in hers. "I know that. And so does Emma."

"Then why did she grab the knife?"

"To protect herself."

"But I wouldn't hurt her."

"I know, Henry. You can't reason this. She's been through an intense trauma and it's going to take some time."

"Why didn't she want me in there? I would never hurt her," he continued.

"She didn't want you in there because she was afraid she would hurt you, not that you would hurt her," she tried to explain.

"Emma would never hurt me."

"Henry, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Mom. What?"

"Why do you still call her Emma?" Regina asked.

Henry blushed.

"I never talked to you about our relationship, not really. Was this…not the right thing for you?"

"Of course not. I am very happy you and Emma are together, that we're a family."

"Then I don't understand," she told him.

"I tried calling Emma Ma once," he admitted.

"And?"

"And she got really mad at me."

Regina looked cross. "What do you mean?"

"She told me that being a mom is an honor. She said that you were my mom because you earned it. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me but that she hadn't earned the honor of being called mom," he explained.

Regina was silent for a moment. "She doesn't think she deserves to be your mom?"

"Something like that. It's the only time we ever had a really serious discussion. I mean, we talk about serious stuff, but this was different. She made me promise not to say a word and then she said that she has never forgiven herself for not being there, for not trying to find me. She said that if she had been worthy of being my mom then she would have come looking for me long before I went looking for her…I'm not even sure I should be telling you this…"

"I had no idea," Regina told him.

"She doesn't think a lot of herself, Mom. No one knows that but me and you. She thinks she's self-centered and selfish. She said it doesn't surprise her that grandma and grandpa abandoned her. She said that she was such an awful kid that no family ever wanted her. She said she deserved everything that happened to her. She got quiet then. Then she told me that she loved me more than anything and she would do anything for me but my real mom would always be you and that I shouldn't take that honor away from you just because she finally decided to show up."

"I…" Regina was at a loss for words. "What do you think, Henry?"

"I think I can have and love two moms. I think she deserves to be called mom," he explained.

"Did you tell her that?"

"Yes. But it doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't believe it. She told me that one day when she felt like she earned it, she'd let me know. We haven't talked about it since," Henry finished.

"What happened to her, Mom?" Henry asked, changing the subject.

Regina sighed. "I don't think that's my story to tell. I don't know all of it myself."

"Tell me enough so I can understand what's happening," he said.

"She was tortured," Regina said, the words tasted like poison in her mouth.

"Why?" he asked.

"I think…I think whoever took her and hurt her did it as a punishment for me. Someone figured out the way to hurt me most was by hurting someone I love very much," she confessed.

Henry nodded. "She's scared now. That someone is going to hurt her again."

"Yes, I think so."

"You're going to help her?"

"Absolutely. I'm going to do whatever it takes to help her. We're going to have to be patient, Henry. This is going to take some time."

He nodded. "I think maybe I should stay with Grandma and Grandpa for awhile. I don't want to upset her again."

"I think that makes sense. Maybe we can work up to meeting you for some lunch next week somewhere."

"Yeah, that would be nice. I miss you both," he admitted.

"We love you, Henry. We're going to get through this. We're going to find the person who hurt Emma. We're going to help Emma. We'll be a family again, I promise."

Henry smiled, "I know, Mom. I know."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Regina walked back into the kitchen to see Emma's brow starting to furl, her limbs jerking just a bit. She rushed to her and began to stroke her head, whispering to her softly. She sat back in the floor and gently roused her.

Emma sat up, confused. "I fell asleep. We were having break- oh my God, Henry was here. He saw…and now he probably… Regina, is he hurt? Did I hurt him? Did I hurt you?"

"Shh, Emma. Easy. You didn't hurt anyone. Henry's going to stay with your parents for awhile. Everything is fine," she tried to reassure.

Emma seemed distant and she began to murmur to herself. All Regina could make out was _everything, nothing, everything, nothing._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Two weeks later, Regina took stock of the things she knew for certain: Emma slept better when being held and she wasn't ready to talk. The days were repeats of the one before and Regina was concerned that she wasn't making any progress. She didn't want to leave the house. Getting her to the back porch was a major undertaking and set her on high alert. Her protective instinct had kicked into overdrive but she had become obsessed with protecting Regina, dismissing her own trauma and replacing it with perceived threat. Some of it wasn't perception, they hadn't talked about it but Regina knew that they both knew that whatever happened to Emma was directed at Regina.

As Regina took stock of the things she knew and what she didn't, she realized that Emma's greatest trauma was not in the violation of her body but the violation of her mind. She thought about what Henry had told her that day in the living room, she put pieces together of a life she saw in flashes during times of intense emotion between them, and she realized that whoever had taken her had done the thing that she might not recover from; he had destroyed her trust in herself. The confidence in knowing she was loved and wanted had been shattered, a confidence that Regina had spent years building with her. There were so many things she wanted to ask her, to tell her, but she didn't know when to start or where. So she sat and thought it out as the shadow of Emma Swan ghosted through each day.

Regina's phone buzzed.

 _At the front door_ , Ruby's text read.

Regina got up and quietly went to the door to let her in.

"Hey, thanks for coming by," Regina told her as she opened the door.

"Of course. I was hoping to come by sooner" Ruby peeked inside, looking for Emma, "Ems around?"

"Yes, she's napping on the couch," Regina affirmed, "come into the kitchen."

Ruby quietly followed Regina toward the kitchen, passing the sleeping, covered form of Emma Swan on the couch.

They sat in silence for a few moments.

"How are things going?" Ruby asked, breaking the silence.

"They're going ok," Regina lied.

"How are things really going?" Ruby asked again.

Regina sighed, "I don't know."

Ruby nodded and waited.

"I sit here every day and think that today is the day she's going to feel a little better and every day is the same as the one before. Then I feel disappointed and angry at the end of the day because she's not improving. Then I feel guilty because I want her better for her, but I want her better for me, too."

Ruby only nodded.

"I keep thinking back to that night. Every day, every minute I just think about all of the things I should have done differently. It's eating me alive, Ruby," Regina confessed.

"Regina, I don't doubt you're beating yourself up about this. And I think you know, intellectually at least, that this isn't your fault."

"Isn't it though?" Regina interrupted. "Someone was after me. Someone wanted to hurt me so deeply that they took the person I love most in this world away and forced me to watch her torture. And do you know what the worst part of it is? Whoever did this didn't even…Emma is her own person… and-"

"And whoever took her just saw her as an anybody?"

Regina sighed, "yes. She was just another body to him. She's everything to me. Everything."

"I don't know what to do, Ruby. I don't know what to do next," Regina confessed.

"Maybe you're doing it already," Ruby offered.

"It's not enough. She's been destroyed body and soul. She's still hearing the voices, I think. But now I can't get in there to hear them, she's shutting me out. Every day feels like she's drifting farther away than the day before and I feel helpless!"

Emma had awakened and heard the soft murmur of voices in the kitchen. She quietly walked towards them and watched, listened. Ruby had her arm around Regina, Regina's head on her shoulder. Ruby was caressing Regina as they sat together. Emma felt numb.

"And I can't go out there with her. I'm ashamed. I'm mortified. How can I be seen with her? After all of it, I don't know what to do. I can't hide here with her forever," Regina was confessing to Ruby.

Emma's numbness became ice and the last slivers of hope she had slunk away into the recesses of her mind. She quietly removed herself and headed up the stairs.

"This is all my fault," Regina continued. "Everyone knows it. This town should burn me at the stake. If I go out there with her, they'll blame me. They should blame me. I don't know what to do. I love her more than anything in this world and I have destroyed her"

"Regina, first, you have to find a way to let go of this blame. No one in this town blames you. You did not destroy her. You did not hurt her. Some sick bastard did this to her. We will find him Regina, I promise," Ruby went on.

"I know," Regina said, straightening up. "I had asked her to marry me. The night before."

"Wow, really?" Ruby questioned.

"Yes. She is my everything, Ruby. I feel like nothing when she's not in my world. And right now, she's not in her world or my world, she's just out there drifting." There was a pause. "We hadn't had a chance to tell anyone yet. Not Henry, or Snow and David, no one. For that one day, it was just us and this whole big beautiful future out there."

"There's still a future out there, Regina. You're going to have to fight for it. You can't let this guilt and vengeance consume you. I think you know what happens when you do," Ruby cautioned.

Regina nodded. "I put the Evil Queen to rest a long time ago. But I wouldn't hesitate to resurrect her for Emma."

"Don't do this, Regina. Find another way. There's always another way," Ruby pushed.

Regina thanked Ruby for her visit and showed her out.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Emma had become quieter and more reserved than ever and Regina was desperate to break her out of her shock. She had tried everything she could think of but only saw her drifting further away – further away from her touch, further away from her soul.

A week after Ruby's visit, Regina had become desperate.

"Emma?" Regina called.

Emma looked up from the couch.

"I need to go into town to my office for a bit this afternoon," Regina told her.

Emma nodded in silence.

"I'm going to get someone to come here and stay with you, ok?"

"You don't have to. I'm fine," Emma replied emptily.

"Just the same, it would make me feel better. I've asked your mother to come over," Regina told her.

"Snow White," Emma said blankly.

Regina didn't understand what was happening. Everything was emptiness.

"She'll be here within the hour. I shouldn't be gone long," Regina told her.

"Take your time, no reason to hurry back" Emma remarked.

The encounter unsettled Regina. She didn't know what else to do or say. She hoped that she could find some answers, something, anything. She would start in her office and then head to her vault.

Mary Margaret arrived 45 minutes later and knocked softly on the door.

"Come in, Snow," Regina said as she answered the door.

"Where is she?" Snow asked.

"In the living room on the couch," Regina told her.

Snow looked at her coldly. "How long will you be?"

"Not long, I hope. I just want to pick up some things," Regina told her.

Snow only nodded.

"Ok… she'll probably lie down in a bit for a nap. Just stay close by when she does. If she starts having nightmares, I find that-"

"I think I can figure out how to calm my own daughter," Snow interrupted.

Regina was exhausted at the tension between them. "If you need anything, call me." And with that she hurried out to her car.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

An hour later Regina was on a stepstool in her office pulling down long-forgotten books when the door opened.

"Snow?!" Regina said, climbing down off the ladder. "What the hell are you doing here? Emma-"

"Emma said she needed some time to herself. I came to talk to-"

Regina began to panic. "Snow, what did she tell you?"

Snow was irritated, "nothing. She said that she needed time alone and that she was going to shower and take a walk."

It didn't add up for Regina. Emma had been paralyzed by the thought of leaving the house. After she showered that morning…

"Emma already showered this morning," Regina said, frantically trying to piece everything together. She replayed what had happened.

"I have to go," Regina said, pushing her way towards the door.

"Wait," Snow said, grabbing her arm, "I aim to speak with you."

"I don't have time for this!" Regina shouted.

Snow stood dumbfounded as Regina raced out the door. The fear and panic on the regal woman's face startled her.

Regina jumped into her car and sped home as quickly as possible. Then a flash, she could see the steam of the shower and hear " _everything, nothing, everything, nothing_ " chanted over and over in Emma's head. She pulled into the driveway and raced up the stairs to the bathroom where the steam was tumbling out. Emma was standing near the curtain, crying, blade in her hand.

"Emma, stop," Regina pleaded. "Please, don't do this."

Emma looked up and continued to sob. "I have to," she told her.

"No, you don't. Please don't do this. I need you," Regina told her.

Emma only sobbed harder. "No you don't. You're ashamed of me."

"I could never be ashamed of you. I love you with every ounce of my being," Regina tried to explain.

"Liar," she accused.

"I've never lied to you. You mean too much to me. Please, let's just talk," Regina tried again.

Emma shook her head. "You told Ruby you were ashamed of me. You told Ruby you were mortified to be seen with me. I heard you, Regina, you said those things to her. You said them while you were… while the two of you…" and Emma continued to cry wordlessly.

"No, no Emma. That's not what I said. I'm not ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of me. I, the most powerful woman in this realm, couldn't protect you. All of this," Regina waved her hands, "all of this is my fault. You were taken to punish me. You were hurt because of me. I don't deserve to be with you, Emma, I never have. I never will," Regina waited for Emma to digest her explanation.

Emma's pupils dilated and Emma shouted _"you are everything, I am nothing!"_ and Regina finally heard the voice loudly, clearly over Emma's, the voice telling her _"she's everything, you're nothing_." That's the message Emma had been receiving. That's the message she had repeated over and over to herself for weeks.

"Emma, you are my everything," Regina tried to reason, she could sense Emma's panic.

"I betrayed you, Regina. I fucking betrayed you!" Emma screamed.

Regina looked at her confused.

"You saw it all. I know you did. You won't talk about it, but you saw. And you know that even though I was fighting him… even though I didn't want to… you watched him do things to me and then I betrayed you," Emma tried to explain.

"Emma, I don't understand. You didn't betray me. Yes, I saw what happened but you didn't betray me," she offered.

Emma shook her head and continued to cry. "I fought him Regina, I really did. I did everything I could to fight him, but then, I couldn't control my own body. I was in so much pain. He was hurting me. Everything hurt. I should have fought harder. And I… I couldn't help it, Regina. Don't you understand? But I betrayed you!" Emma spoke with wild clarity.

"I know, baby, I know. You didn't betray me. Why do you think that?" she tried to coax her for more information.

"You saw it, Regina. Don't say you didn't," Emma pushed.

"Nothing changes the way I feel, Emma. I love you. You didn't betray you. He raped you," Regina tried to reason.

"And I climaxed Regina. I betrayed you and you saw it happen," Emma screamed.

Regina finally understood what she was talking about. She remembered his hand around her throat and her gagging then the sour liquid hitting her tongue.

"Emma, listen to me. You didn't have any control over that. He used a potion on you for that. I even know what potion it is. You did not betray anyone. I swear to you. Please listen to me," Regina tried to explain.

"You have always been everything, Regina. I never deserved love. Ever. I ruin everything. I ruin everyone. I'm ruined. I am nothing. I'll always be nothing," Emma explained as she drew the blade up and over her wrist.

Regina raced to Emma as she crumbled to the floor. "No!" she yelled. Emma's bright red blood started to pool quickly and Regina saw her start to pale. With her own tears streaming down her face, she put her own hand over the gaping slit and pressed down. "No, Emma, no. I love you. You are my everything." White light released from Regina's hand and the wound began to close under her grasp. Regina was shocked; her other attempts at magic resulted in Emma's pain but this one, this act of pure love allowed her to heal her.

Regina's pulled the pale but very much alive woman to her. "Damn you, Swan. You don't get to leave me. I need you," she admitted. Regina turned the shower off with one hand, still holding on to a relaxed Emma. And Regina cried, she held onto Emma and rocked her as she cried hard, pouring every emotion she hadn't been able to identify over the past weeks into it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They sat on the couch while Emma nursed a mug of warm milk with vanilla and sugar. For the first time in weeks, the air was clear between them. Emma was ready to talk to her.

"What you said to Ruby," Emma started, "what you told me you said, is that true?"

"Yes," Regina replied. "I swear to you. You can ask Ruby yourself if you like. I am ashamed, Emma. I'm deeply ashamed. I failed you that night. I'm supposed to protect you. I promised you that I would never hurt you. That I would never let you be hurt. And then I let someone take you and hurt you in ways I can't even comprehend."

"You're everything, Regina. I'm nothing. Why do you want to be with me?" Emma asked.

"I love you. I love the thousand little things about you. I love the way you make me want to love you and those around you. You will never understand all of that, I know. But when I'm with you, I'm my best self. That's selfish but it's true. I am at my best with you."

"You could be with Ruby instead," Emma offered. "I know she likes you."

Regina blushed slightly. "I don't want to be with Ruby. I want to be with you. I love the life we have together. Every second that we're together I'm convinced is a fairy tale. I have never loved and been loved the way I have with you," Regina admitted.

"Not even with Daniel?"

Regina thought for a moment. "No, not even with Daniel. My love for Daniel was young, naïve and innocent. It was unchallenged and I was living in a fantasy world. When he died, all of that was gone and it was gone too fast. It consumed me. My love for you is complicated but deep. I love you unconditionally. You taught me that. You taught me about real love, about the give and take of love. You took me in as I was, as I am, and loved me. Even after… even after I nearly…" Regina started to tear up.

"You forgave me, Emma. When I almost did something unspeakable to you that night. I almost… I nearly violated your body and your trust, but you took me back."

"Wait, Regina, wait," Emma sat up and interrupted. "You didn't nearly violate me. I thought we settled that ages ago?"

"We decided that I was going to do better. You gave me my second chance with you when you shouldn't have. Maybe if you hadn't, maybe none of this would have happened," Regina explained.

"No. Let's be clear on something, Regina. I wanted to have sex with you that night. I really did. I didn't show it well, but make no mistake, I wanted to be with you that night more than anything. I saw you looking down at me with pity and disgust and I was so ashamed that I wasn't what you wanted."

"What? I never looked at you with pity or disgust. I swear. There was a moment when I got a flash of something from you that night. Of a man, someone with a beard, I think. He was on top of you or near you and you were so frightened. It startled me. Then the flash changed and you were frightened but this time I was the one causing your fear. I had violated your trust that night. I was inconsiderate," Regina told her.

Emma was silent. "So you've known for a long time then about that?"

"Yes. I'm not really sure what I saw, but I made a guess," Regina admitted.

Emma swallowed. "And you still wanted me."

"Of course. All I've ever wanted is to be with you. To be happy with you. To make you happy."

Emma was silent for a moment. "I thought for a long time he had ruined me. That's what he said. I was ruined. I had deserved it."

Regina was sickened.

"It took me years before I could even entertain the notion of being intimate with someone. Even with Neal. I just couldn't bring myself to be with him, to enjoy it. We only had sex a few times. Enough times for me to be pregnant with Henry," Emma recounted.

"It was never like that with you, though," Emma told her. "Being with you, making love with you was so special and easy."

"Regina?" Emma asked.

"Yes, darling?"

"What if… what if I can't ever… be with you again? You'll need to find someone else, I know. But will it just be someone to make love with or can you still love me and not-"

Regina interrupted her by taking her hands. "Listen, Emma. I love making love with you. I love to feel your skin against mine. I love bringing you pleasure and seeing your glee. I love the way you bring me pleasure. I love our exploration. I love making love with you. But if I could never make love with you again, I would still love you. I would still be right here. I would still be sitting beside you, holding your hand. It wouldn't change how much I love you. I don't want to be with anyone else. If I can't be with you, then I don't want to be with anyone," Regina explained to her.

"I'd like it to be like it was before. I'm just afraid that I can't. I'm afraid that you think I'm…ruined," Emma went on.

Regina pulled her in close. "As long as I breathe, I will do everything in my power to prove to you how much I love you. You're not ruined, Emma. I already believe that. I know it's going to take you longer. You take the time you need. We'll do this at your own pace. You tell me what happens next."

Emma nodded and held on tight to Regina as they both fell asleep on the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The tension had started to fade. Emma's pain was still real and Regina would lose her deep in her own thoughts from time to time, but she was, Regina thought, starting to recover.

"You feeling ok?" Regina asked her.

A pale Emma shook her head. "I feel awful, I've felt awful for days."

Regina put a hand to her forehead. "You don't have a fever. Your mom is coming over for lunch today, but maybe I'll have Dr. Anders drop in just to check on you."

Emma sighed, " _Snow White_ … Maybe. I'm not feeling myself for sure. My head hurts and I just feel…awful."

"I'll ring Dr. Anders now, we'll have her come by before Snow gets here. Unless you want me to call her and tell her to come by another day?"

"I wish you could," Emma replied, "but she'll just keep badgering both of us. No, a short visit will be fine. I'd like to see David again maybe. And Henry. I need to fix things with Henry."

Regina took her hands and looked into her eyes, "Henry's ok. You've been talking to him on the phone, yes?"

Emma nodded, "yes. He's a pretty amazing kid and so patient. He has a pretty great mom to raise such a great young man," she smiled.

Regina smiled at her compliment. "I'll ring Dr. Anders. You get some rest on the couch. You look a bit pale."

Emma watched Regina head towards her phone and felt a deep warmth, a familiar warmth that used to be evoked every time she saw Regina. It made her smile. She headed for the couch and sat down, within a few minutes, she was fast asleep on the couch.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Emma felt a gentle hand rubbing up and down her arm.

"Hi," Regina said, smiling at her.

Emma mumbled a bit.

"How are you feeling?" Regina asked her.

"Same. Tired. Just…not well," Emma responded.

"Dr. Anders is here. So is your mother. I'm going to show Dr. Anders in but I've asked Snow to stay in the kitchen. I thought you two might like to talk alone," she explained.

"Would you stay with me, please?" Emma asked.

"Of course. I'll bring you some water when I bring Dr. Anders in. I love you, Emma," Regina told her.

Emma sat up and stretched. She was exhausted. Her body hurt and she felt weak. She wondered if the stress of the last few weeks had finally caught up to her.

"Hi, Emma," Dr. Anders greeted her. "Regina's been keeping me updated. I'm glad to see you're up and about more. I hear you're not feeling great though."

Emma shook her head, "no, not really. It's probably just stress. I'm still having trouble sleeping. I think I'm just exhausted."

Dr. Anders looked at her. "Well, I'm going to do a very general, non-intrusive exam, ok? I'm going to start by listening to your heart and lungs, take your blood pressure, that kind of thing. Sound ok?"

Emma nodded and held on tightly to Regina's hand.

The doctor performed her exam and wrote some notes.

"Well?" Regina interrupted, slightly impatient.

"Emma, tell me more about your symptoms," Dr. Anders directed.

"Oh, I don't know. I just feel tired. I sleep and then once I'm up for a bit, I feel exhausted and need a nap," Emma explained.

"And appetite?"

"Comes and goes. Right now, it's gone. I don't feel like eating."

Dr. Anders nodded, "anything else?"

Emma thought for a minute, "not that I can think of…."

The doctor sighed. "Emma, when was your last period?"

Emma sat for a minute thinking and then the implication hit her. She grabbed at Regina's hand, trying not to claw her but in clear panic.

"I… you don't think…no," Emma stuttered.

"There's a very strong possibility that you're pregnant, Emma," Dr. Anders announced.

"No. No no no," Emma shook her head. "I can't…no. Regina?"

Emma looked at Regina with pain and fear in her eyes.

"Emma, listen to me. I'm right here. Stay calm. Let's talk through this," Regina calmly offered.

"Dr. Anders, are you certain?" Regina asked.

"Certain? No, but I have a pretty strong guess that Emma's in her first trimester and that's why she's feeling so weak. I'd have to take a blood test to be sure," she explained.

Emma was silent and distant.

"Emma? Talk to me, darling. What are you thinking?" Regina asked her.

"I want it out," Emma announced. "I want it out now."

Tears began to fall down Emma's cheeks and Regina pulled her close.

"Ok. We'll do whatever you want to do. I promise. Let's let Dr. Anders take some blood for her tests just to be sure," Regina kept Emma calm and continued to reaffirm her as the doctor drew her sample.

"It will take a couple of days to come back. Come by my office on Friday. That will give you a couple of days to think about what you want to do," the doctor explained as she packed up.

"I want it gone," Emma stated again. "I just want it gone."

Regina continued to hold Emma and nodded to the doctor.

"We'll come by on Friday. You can take care of everything then?" Regina confirmed.

"Yes," Dr. Anders told her. "Emma, I'm very sorry. I know this is hard. Regina, I can show myself out, you stay here."

Dr. Anders patted Emma's shoulder and gave Regina's arm a squeeze before leaving.

"Am I bad?" Emma asked her.

"Of course not," Regina told her, "you are the best person I know."

"I feel like a bad person. I can't have this baby. I can't know that this baby..." Emma started to panic slightly.

Regina squared their shoulders and looked at her deeply. "Listen to me. You are not a bad person. I promise you. This is your body. You get to decide what happens to it."

"Will you hate me?" Emma asked her.

"Never. I could never hate you. I would never hate you for something like this. I'll be here every second. We'll talk about what you want to talk about. We'll do what you want to do. You say stop and we will. Right?" Regina confirmed with her.

Emma nodded. "I can't see Snow today. Can you send her away? I can't deal with that right now."

"Absolutely. Go on upstairs. I'll tell her the doctor told you to get some rest and that we'll see her next week," Regina told her. "Emma, I love you. Hold onto that. We're in this together."

Emma smiled slightly and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. It was the first time in weeks Regina had felt those soft lips on her skin. She watched Emma head up the stairs then walked toward the kitchen to find Snow White standing in the doorway.

"Emma's pregnant?" Snow asked.

"Eavesdropping?" Regina countered crossly.

"This could be wonderful for her, Regina. A baby is always a wonderful thing," Snow tried to explain.

"I think maybe you should go now," Regina tried, trying to move towards the foyer to show her out.

"She has an appointment coming up I heard. I could be there too," Snow offered with some enthusiasm.

Regina sighed. "I think that maybe you need to let Emma have some time to decide what she wants to do first."

"What do you mean?" Snow asked, cocking her head slightly to one side.

Regina just looked at her.

"Wait, you're not thinking she's going to… that would be horrible. You have to stop her Regina," Snow told her.

"It's Emma's body. She gets to do with it what she wants," Regina countered.

"You agree with her?" Snow said, starting to raise her voice. "I can't believe this. You just can't let anything wonderful happen, can you? You would prevent my grandchild from being born because of your selfishness."

"Wait, what? What do you have to do with this? This isn't your body to decide what happens," Regina started raising her voice as well.

"I should have known you would poison Emma. You're bad, Regina. You've always been bad," Snow's brow furrowed.

"Leave our house," Regina instructed calmly.

"You're sick, did you know that? Every opportunity you've had for love you ruined," Snow spat.

"I don't want to have this conversation with you," Regina's temper was starting to flare.

"Emma's fate is in your hands and you're going to destroy her, just like you did with Naia," Snow accused.

Regina's blood ran cold. "Never speak her name. Do you hear me? You don't get to speak her name."

Snow laughed, "you cheated on my father with her! You slept with half of the kingdom! My father was a great man and you-"

"Your father was a rapist!" Regina exploded. Snow White drew back.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me. He. Was. A. Rapist." Regina countered coldly.

"He was good to you!" Snow shot back. "He was good to you and you had him murdered!"

Regina shook her head and smiled in an incredulous chuckle. "Your father married a 17 year old girl. What did you think he wanted? He had to have a wife to keep the kingdom together. I was married to him against my wishes to be locked into a marriage where I was called to his bedchambers whenever he saw fit."

Snow didn't know what to say. And Regina, after years having kept it all inside, finally let it go, "You think I slept with half of the kingdom? Maybe I did. Because your father passed me around like a bottle of ale!"

"That's not true!" Snow shouted.

"Yes, it is. How does a kingdom run? On power. How do you get power? Money and favors. Your father passed me around to whoever wanted me to curry favors. I was his personal whore and I never, ever had a choice."

Snow looked on her in shattered disbelief.

"You don't know what it's like to not have control of your own body. And you want me to tell Emma what she can or can't do with hers? No. Her dignity and self-worth is worth more than your antiquated notions. Emma will decide what happens to her body and I will be there for her," Regina explained.

"You would let her do that? After everything, you'd let her end that baby?"

"I don't _let_ Emma do anything. I don't own her. Maybe you'd do well to remember that."

Snow gathered her belongings and headed to the door. "All of this is your fault. Every bit of it," Snow spat.

"What bothers you about all of this?" Regina asked as she left. "That your daughter is with another woman or that the other woman is me? Be honest."

Snow stopped and sighed, closing her eyes before answering. "Both."

Regina closed the door behind the brunette and turned around to see Emma standing at the top of the stairs, tears trickling down her face.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Emma turned and walked towards the bedroom and Regina followed her up the stairs quietly. When she entered their room, Emma was sat on the bed, looking out the window.

"How much of that did you hear?" Regina asked.

Emma looked down at her lap. "All of it. I'm sorry."

Regina sighed and sat down beside her, taking her hand. "Don't be sorry. It's ok. I'm sorry I shouted at your mom."

"Snow White," Emma said. It was then that Regina finally understood that she had been trying to correct her all along. She remembered what Emma had told Henry. Emma didn't feel like Snow White was her mom, that she hadn't earned it. Every time Regina said it was probably a punch in the gut and a stab in the heart to her.

"Yes, Snow White. I know she's important to you. I shouldn't have said the things I said."

Emma waited for a moment. "All of it was true? About Leopold and all?"

"Yes. Holding court is a complicated matter of power. And Leopold did everything he had to do to stay in control," Regina explained.

"Becoming the Evil Queen wasn't just about Daniel then, was it?"

"No. It wasn't," Regina admitted.

Emma nodded. "Who is Naia? Can I ask that?"

"Yes, you can ask me anything. Naia was my handmaiden. She was hired to prepare me for the king, or for the men at court, when instructed. She also received me when I returned. She was my friend. She bathed me, dressed me, fed me. She did everything."

"What happened to her?" Emma asked.

"Leopold had her killed," Regina explained.

"Why?"

Regina took a deep breath. "After some time, she was more than my friend."

"The two of you were lovers?"

"Yes. You need to remember that I had never made love with anyone. I was called to Leopold's chambers when he so desired. I was sent to sate the desires of the men at court when Leopold needed favors. I was nothing more than a common whore."

"Please don't say that. I can't bear it," Emma told her, turning to look her in the eyes.

"It was true though. One night I was sent back to my chambers and Naia received me. It was a night where he was… rough with me. I sat in the bath and she carefully washed me while I cried. She stroked my head like she always did and I told her I couldn't do it anymore that I wanted to die. She told me no. I was startled. No one had ever told me no before. She asked me if I had ever made love to anyone and I laughed at her. She said she knew I had had sex but wanted to know if anyone had made love to me. I had no idea what she was talking about. She told me that making love was gentle, it was about the give and take of affection, that it was about feeling good with someone you trust and care about. I remembered feeling the heat in my cheeks as she talked about the act so openly, with such confidence. She asked me if I had experienced pleasure during sex and I told her no. She helped me up from the bath and as she dried me off, she began to kiss me. I was startled at first but her lips were so warm and soft. She was so tender with me. Her touch was gentle. She laid me on the bed and kissed me, kissed me everywhere. I had never experienced anything like it before. Then she kissed my lips and I…I just came alive. She made love to me that night for the first time. I wept after my first orgasm. I never believed that could happen for me."

Emma was uncomfortable with the admission.

"Hey," Regina lifted Emma's chin to have her look at her, "It's ok. That was a long time ago."

"What happened to her? You said Leopold had her killed."

Regina nodded. "She would receive me after I was called and each night she would bathe me and make love to me. She would remind me that sex was about mutual pleasure. I learned about how to give and receive love from her. She would lay with me at night until I fell asleep. I can still remember the way her arms felt around me. I felt so safe. I loved her so much. I imagined being able to run away just to be with her… And one night, Snow White came into my room. Naia had fallen asleep and we were both naked in the bed together. She was appalled and ran to her father. I tried to get Naia out but the army found her before she was even able to leave the castle. Leopold had her killed and he made me watch."

Regina allowed some silent tears to fall down her face. "After that, he was brutal. And shortly after, I met the genie and… the rest is history."

Emma sat a minute to take it all in. "I had no idea, Regina. How have you lived with that for so long? Why didn't you tell me? I've been so selfish…"

"No, you're not selfish," Regina assured her. "All of this happened nearly forty years ago. It's been a long time."

"How did you… how did you get through it?" Emma asked.

"Time mostly. But I did it all wrong. Naia allowed me to heal from Daniel's death, from being forced into marriage, from being Leopold's whore. When she was murdered, all I could think of was that there was someone else that I had loved and watched die. It consumed me. All the best parts of me were eaten up by rage and guilt until there was nothing left. Until Henry, then you, there were no good parts of me left."

Emma was silent for a minute, taking all of it in.

"Henry helped heal you. But, this baby. I don't want this baby. I can't do this. I don't want to," Emma told her.

"And you don't have to. We will do whatever you want to do," Regina assured her again.

"What if I wanted to keep it?" Emma pressed.

"Then we'd keep it. I know what's it's like to not have control of your own body. To have everything decided for you. I won't let that happen to you again. I will do whatever you need me to do," Regina told her.

"I just don't think I could look at a baby and know that it came because of… because of…"

Regina hoped that maybe she could say it out loud.

"Because I was raped," Emma finally said aloud. And she did feel better. Saying the words lifted an enormous weight off of her.

"Then we'll do what you want to do. I promise," Regina settled against her and they held one another in comfortable silence.


End file.
